Bright outside!

I feel crazy myself (usually other people tell me I am)...its 5:30 AM. I was working on my thesis until now (in total I managed 6,5 hours), that really doesnt seem that long, but I have a headache...I am one of these persons who focuses really hard, so the 6,5 hours are ultra-productive-time, and no staring out of the window...if you havent realized yet...I am a 100% or nothing girl :)

So now I am 100% tired lol...good night!!!

Living without the internet!

Damn, our internet was gone...sux! I feel so weird without the www. Probably I am an addict too :)

Hehe, ok, no seriously. Its kinda cool. It saves me a lot of time (even though I am not the person who is just surfing around).

Good progress on the thesis again (I am starting to scare myself ;)

YO, all you girls in Vic, keep your hormones under control!!!

love,
kimchi

Urgh, the world is bad. The car of my best friend got stolen! Poor him. Sending a big hug his way!!!

Friends day & killer instinct!

I know...it was supposed to be thesis day. Well, some of my friends "happend":

1. Simone's birthday brunch. I hesitated to go, cause I knew there were gonna be a lot of couples with children, and I already knew that I would be the youngest besides the babies lol But it was really nice in the end.

2. Went to see Nicole in the hospital. I remember how bored I was when I was in the hospital, and she came and visited me both times. So I felt like I "owe" it to her, and we had a really nice chat. I am glad we are still good friends (even though we almost killed each other back in 1996 on our trip to Greece).

3. When I returned home at aroud 5:30 PM I sat down in front of the TV, while having dinner, started watching a movie and at around 6:45 PM all of a sudden was super tired and fell asleep on the couch. Woke up at 8 PM.

4. Then I got a phone call from JI! He is in Germany right now, but I wont be able to meet him. He is already heading North-West to Amsterdam. His trip sounds REALLY interesting ;) He might be in Korea in August!

5. I finally called Dutchie. We havent talked to each other for 6 months. It was good to talk to her :) We both are in the "heading for the future" stage. Its good to talk with someone in the same situation.

6. Now its 10 PM. I am so tired, but I promised myself that I would at least work on the thesis for a couple of hours. I simply need to if I want my dreams to come true! (Damn, I hate being responsible...so many people just drop out of school and travel around and have the time of their life! I want to do that! Why cant I? *grrrrr* sux!).

7. Now its 1 AM. Damn it. I worked on the thesis for about 1 hour 15 mins. Then I talked to Rabin on the phone (only about 20 mins), and after that returned Frank's call until now!!! DUH!

8. I feel like killing something. *muuuahhhaa* Actually I am not kidding. There is this freakin bird or something outside that is making a squeaking birdy sound every 30 secs. Totally driving me insane. Its like a dripping water tap/faucet. URGH! Gimme a gun!

9. FINE. I am going to bed and will try to get up at 6:45 AM to go to class at 8.

Oh well, life is full of surprises. But there was a POINT 10:
Tien called me!!! What a perfect ending for a great day!!! I cant wait to see the girls in a month (I believe I mentioned THAT before ;)

Progress, part II

I finally have the feeling I am getting somewhere. Even though its still a LOT of work, and I am afraid I am going WAY too much into detail (thats what always happens with me). DUH!

Today was a cool day. Celine (Singapore) called me! Yay! Talked forever :) Was cool. I hope things will stay like this for a long time. I am still smiling over "THE UNKNOWN" ;)

Besides that, I didnt really do anything today. Had dinner with my bro and his gf. He pulled off a BBQ, was cool. Lately I wonder if we really get along that well...its weird.

Oh, and I made a marble cake for my friend (she is having a birthday brunch tomorrow, but I will prolly just go and drop of the cake and leave again - no time!).


And Nicole is still in the hospital (she ripped her ligaments & had an operation - yikes, very unpleasant!).

Progress!

I finally found a way that I think is the most effective/efficient to work on my thesis. At least I feel like I made good progress today. And I certainly need to. If everything else doesnt work out I am still going to Korea (I got the final YES today), and they want me there on the 1st of August.

So the thesis should be finished by the middle of July. Which leaves me with about 5 weeks of time (considering that there will be an AIESEC conference where I am facilitator (~ 4 days) plus the AC in Birmingham & sightseeing with PT and Sai (4 days).

The company in London told me they will get back with an answer to me next week. If anyone who reads this has experiences with cost of living in London, pls let me know. Thanx! :)

A game!

Hey guys,
I found a link to a cool game on Nacho's blog.

Go and check it out: http://flash.qbol.net/pl;p/youxi/images/04042203.swf!

Here are the hints I got from his blog:

There are 13 items hidden in this room in order to let you get out of the room. You need to click, look beyond, be creative, use your logic...

If you find:
0-6 items, your IQ is very low, TOTAL IDIOT
6-8 items, Low IQ, u r an IDIOT
9-10 items, u r NORMAL
11-12 items, your IQ is high, ABOVE THE AVERAGE
13 items found and get out of the room, there are less than 4000 people
in the world can do it. BRAVO!

HINT & HELP: The web link written in one of the items does not work, however the secret code number it would have given you is 1994 (remember it, for you will need it to continue with the game)

Give it a shot.

PS: As you know, sometimes I am not really patient (especially not at 2 AM in the morning), so I admit it: I needed ONE hint to finish the game (but I already had all the items besides the one I got through the hint & the last one you need to solve the game).

Damn it!

Korea sent me an email today. They said I could go for an internship from Aug 1st-Nov 30th. Korea for 4 months. Awesome.

BUT...I might have other offers I have to think about...*sigh* sux...and can I really finish my thesis until the end of July?

Well, I guess I better start working on it ;)

Cheers,
jen

London-Round-Trip, pls!

*Got up at 5:30 AM. -Yikes!
*Flew to London. -Cool!
*Took the TUBE to Picadilly Circus, took a few pics. _At least I saw SOMETHING of London ;)





*Spent 3 hours at GCC. 3 hours of interviews and meeting interesting and cool people. I was really relieved: All the people I met seemed super nice and open-minded. They were all very friendly,easy to get along with and fun. So the first two interviews were really relaxed, and the third one was nice as well, but got more challenging (actually I did like the questions I was asked, cause they were pushing me towards my limits...sometimes I DID have a hard time answering, but I think I didnt TOTALLY screw up...well lol doesnt really matter what I think ;)

*After that I went to a British supermarket. Interesting! I bought CRUMPETS! Damn, I love those things!
*Then returned to the airport. Sticky and hot in the TUBE :(
*Took pictures of HSBC "LOKAL KNOWLEDGE" marketing campaign:






color red:
UK-danger, Indonesia-brave


Didnt make the 5 PM flight, the woman at the counter the next flight was only at 7 PM, so I took my time:
Spent 12.99 GBP on a book about CHINA, but I think its worth the money. Its called "China Inc." (if you want to know the author just drop me a note).

Then I heard a msg "last call for the LH flight at 6 PM to Frankfurt". And I ran to the gate, and told the guy that his colleague told me there was no other flight and I got the last seat! I felt so yucky though, sweaty and tiiiired (fell asleep).

When I got home no one could pick me up, so I had to take a couple of subs and walk a bit, so when I got home it was 10 PM.

Watched "Desperate Housewives" & "Lost"...and answered my emails, yet mom called and dad talked to me, so now its 4 AM lol...and I am soo tired that I will probably crash on the keyboard in a few secs...3...2....1...*ouch*

GOOD NIGHT :)

Messed up sleeping times & good news!

*sigh* This is crazy. I was super tired at 11 PM yesterday. Which was weird, yet good, cause I needed to go to bed early to get up early to get back in a normal rhythm (I have to get up at 5:30 AM tomorrow!!! Just to catch my plane in time.). Anyways...our "VP SN" (hehe, actually she is last year's LCP and just being the VP SN/OGX, cause we dont have a "REAL" one) called me to discuss today's selection board.

Then I watched 2nd half of "Dragonheart", "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen", listened to "Finding Nemo" and a Nora Jones CD...until I finally fell asleep (around 3:30 AM). Amazingly I woke up at 8:10 AM...and felt & still feel like s***. But I def. CANT go back to bed...otherwise I will be up all night.

To be honest, these sleeping problems I have been having TOTALLY PISS ME OFF! DUH! Its just sooo annoying.

To all the people who have had sleeping problems all their lives: I understand now! Sorry, for being ignorant ;)

Oh, and the good news:
My teacher sent me the results of my questionnaire. Its soo cool: 185 German participants, 49 English participants. Oldest: 70 years! Isnt that something?
And the even cooler thing. The chart really doesnt look as complicated as I was afraid it would look like ;)

Plan for today:
- laundry
- cook lunch for bro & dad
- thesis
- 3 PM: Meeting AIESEC office, discussing SN selection
- Japanese class
- SN selection
- ironing my cloths for tomorrow

at least 3 hours

My effectiveness-productivity score for today:

1. Created a new dish: A Bratwurst-Mushroom-mix with potatoes. Sounds German, eh? ;) Used 1/2 the mushrooms (they already started to turn brown). - Effective!
2. Went to school. But my Japanese Culture Studies teacher was off sick. So I had 2 hours. Was hanging out in the AIESEC office. - Not so productive.
3. Korean Culture Studies: Learned more about my country. Paid attention all the time.- Effective!
4. Went home and used the rest of the mushrooms to make more of my Bratwurst Creation (lol thats how I will name the dish, the "Bratwurst-Kreation"). - Effective!
5. Watched 15 mins of "LOST", watched 20 mins of "Gilmore Girls" (on tape) and played 20 mins ALDI-Ma-jong with my bro. - Not so effective!
6. Watched my fish for about 5 mins. - Neither nor, but sooo relaxing! Did I ever mention how much I love my fish (hehe, I know I did...are you annoyed yet? ;)
7. Answered a buch of emails. Took an hour. - Effective (but time consuming)!
8. Worked on my thesis for 3 hours. - PRODUCTIVE! (Not so sure about effective)

Ok, now who is the one who starts to discuss with me the difference between effectiveness and efficiency? I always get that...and I still dont 100% know the difference, cause I really dont care. Its odd when I dont care about things I wont learn them, no matter how often ppl tell me....yeah, I can be stubborn and ignorant ;)

Now, its time to go to bed, its 3:30 AM, I should try to get up at around 10 AM, so I can get up at 8 AM on Wednesday, cause I have to get up at around 5:30 AM on Thursday to catch my plane to London! Crazy,eh?

Movies & Series!

I watched "The Green Mile" again over the last two days. The movie is simply awesome. I love it. There are a few movies after which I want to go and change the world. Its one of them (besides "Das Experiment", "City of God",...).

More on the entertaining side: My fav series.
"LOST"
- Episode Guide
- Background Information
- Timeline
- Are you one of these ppl who cant wait and are simply to curious to know what will happen next? Then check out these spoilers: 1 2

"GILMORE GIRLS"
- Episode Guide
- Transcripts

On the phone...

...thats how I spent this sunday. Mi-Hwa called! So cool to talk to her, after a long time. Also talked to Rabin, he is trying to convince me to go to D-dorf next weekend to see "Japanese day". I heard they will have awesome fireworks! *sigh* I want to. Thats why I am going to work on my thesis now...I can sleep at 4 AM, should be fine...

Lack of sleep!

jeez, I am so tired...lot of things going on, tried to figure the details of an AC last night, kept me up until 7 AM, had to get up at around 9:30 AM to get ready to meet Matt at the airport...AND....

YES! I saw him, and finally managed to give him his Christmas present: A sports cap from AIESEC MAINZ/WIESBADEN. Limited edition. Pretty unique & I hope useful for an MC member :) (btw matt, if you read this....if you want to trade it in for something else at one of the conferences, its cool with me ;)

Then I had to do some grocery shopping. After that I was DEAD...tired. So I decided to get some sleep. I settled on the couch in the living room, popped in a "GILMORE GIRLS" tape and tried to doze off. Well the moment I was at the gate of dreamland someone I didnt expect called: One of my best friends who currently is living in Australia! We talked for about 3 hours I think (wonder how much his phone bill was). I was really exited to hear his news and share mine. He is great with giving advice, just like Rabin. We also discussed how much fun it would be to screw up an interview with a company you are not really intersted in: "So tell me, why do you think I am the right candidate for this company?", "Do you think you have performed at your best the last months?", "When do you think your position will become vacant?", "Hmm, so you are the company that is sending parcels from point A to B, eh?" lol..all kinds of stupid things we would NEVER dare to ask...

Now I am still supertired, have a headache and should probably sleep, but 1. I am happy (Thanx G. for the call!) and 2. at 6 PM (in 10 mins) they will be showing "ROSENSTRASSE", the German movie about woman during WW II I already wanted to watch in Vic. So I will watch it and then let you guys know if its worth renting it (Rogers has it).

Cheerio!
jen :)

Exited!

1. I cant believe Matt almost ditched me for 300 EUROS...which means money is more important to him than me. But oh well, I should have known ;) *jk jk jk* After all I am glad he can make it anyways...so hopefully I am going to meet him in less than 8 hours - OH, maybe I should get some sleep.

2. Got another email regarding my AC. Its exiting. I am nervous. Exited. Scared. All the same time. To be honest: The AC makes me more nervous than the interview next week. Yet the interview is for my dream job...I believe.

Hehe..will keep you updated, now I am going to call and bug Sai about their travel plans. Hopefully I will be able to meet up with PT & her in LONDON!!! Just calledd them, its so exiting to know I will see them in about a month!!!! Just wish all my other friends from VIC could come tooooo!!! Wouldnt that be awesome!!! Well, I guess this is pretty cool already: Roaming THAT city with two of my best friends from VIC! And I would guess Ally also is going to meet us there!!!

Airlines

I am working on my thesis and did some research on airlines.

Here is a list of the safest and worst airlines in the world:

10 safest airlines

1. Qantas
2. Finnair
3. Cathay Pacific
4. EL AL
5. ANA (All Nippon Airways)
6. Austrian Airlines
7. Virgin Atlantic Airways
8. Emirates
9. EVA Air
10. Southwest Airlines

10 worst airlines

1. THY Turkish Airlines
2. China Airlines
3. Air India
4. Gulf Air
5. Garuda Indonesia
6. Saudi Arabian Airlines
7. China Southern Airlines
8. Korean Air
9. Thai Airways International (hmm, never knew about security issues, I just remember I flew with them once, and I had to puke...)
10. Air China

PS: If I get a chance I will ask my dad what he says about this. Having fixed airplanes for about 35 years I would guess he kinda knows which are the crappy ones ;)

SOURCE

lil moments of joy

* having lunch with my bro & dad
* my two best friends supporting me during the application process
* stopping and looking at my babies (who ever said aquariums are boring?!)
* getting an email from a potential employer that doesnt start with "Sorry,.." or "I am afraid I have to inform you that.."
* talking to a friend I havent talked to for over 9 months & still being able to talk for hours & sharing secrets
* knowing that I will see some people I really care about soon
* flying to London for an interview (I know it sounds like showing off, but I am just really nervous and exited & I need to share it & I need ppl to calm me down lol ;)
* invitations to birthday parties/brunch

exited & scared

The time when one is leaving something well known and heading to the next step is probably always a little bit scary, and yet exiting. I will be so happy when I finally hand in my final thesis, and school is over. I really cant stand it anymore (even though Japanese class is still fun).

Right now its the time where I am trying to figure out my "market value" in the labor market. On the one hand side the first two applications went really well, on the other hand side I got turned down for a P&G seminar just today. Hmm, dunno. Looking back at all the positions I (seriously) applied for I hardly ever got turned down. But those were just internships.

The job I am currently applying for seems to be the job of my dreams, even though it might mean that I will never work for one of the really big companies. Is that really important to me? Isnt a job that makes you happy better?

Hmm, I will see how the interview next week goes and how much sales is involved in this position. You know me, I am not exactly a sales person...if I am not 100% convinced.

So, I am exited & scared all in one about the next step and my interview next week...stage 3! (1. preseclection, 2. interview with my future boss, 3. interview with my future boss's boss)

updated my profile at hi5

my journal there:

SUBJECT: Its one of these days...

Hi,
its one of these days where you are just wasting time and not being productive at all. Well, I have my reasons, yet I am kinda frustrated.

I wish I was one of these really effective persons with a lotta self-discipline. But obvioulsy I am not lol

Well, its good to spend some time writing your old friends, thinking about the future and where I will be heading next (even though there is no point in it, because it aint my decision ;)

Place where I would want to be today: Victoria, BC or Seoul, Korea.
Things I would want to do today: Chillin with the gang. Maybe going to BP or having a discussion about some cultural differences.
Things I look fwd to: Iwona's bday party friday night & seeing Matt at the airport on saturday!

life is evil

Right when you feel things are half-way ok then life comes around and pushes you down again.

The following might sound funny, yet its totally not. I have this neighbour who is the age of my grandpa. And he is always "flirting" with me. Well, I always thought it was just for fun. But last year just before I left for Canada he called me at home and asked me if I wanted to come over (his wife was in the hospital at that time). I was totally shocked and just told him that I dont have time. I was actually hoping that it was some silly kind of misunderstanding. But after that I started to park my car in a different spot, so I dont have to walk past his house.

Now that I have been gone for such a long time I thought everything is fine. Yet I still park my car far away from his place.

Well, and today just after I got up he called again. What a prick!

Mr. X: Hello, its me.
J: Yes?
Mr. X: I wanted to know whats going on with us two?
J: Excuse me?!?!
Mr. X: Well, you know I want to ...*silence* (but pretty obvious what he meant)
J: You knwo what. I am just going to hang up now.

And thats what I did. And thank the lord he didnt call again. If it wasnt so scary I would seriously laugh about it, cause he is soo old he can hardly walk right! F***er

I dont know if I should tell my dad about it, cause I know he would totally freak out. But calling me once, fine. But this is the second time, and whenever I run into that neighbour he is making weird comments. I know if I would tell my mom she would yell at that dude the next time she sees him.

I really dont think that guy would be capable of seriously "attacking" me, besides the fact that his wife is always home. But it makes me feel uncomfortable. And its mean to say that, but I just wish he would disappear. I just think I will tell him to that I will call the police the next time he calls.

Can you understand? What are you suggesting?

I just hope he doesnt call again. In my current condition this is the LAST thing I need.

Omg, this sounds like a letter from a magazine or like a part of a soap opera...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Liebe Iwona,


photo above: this is Iwona :)


Ich wuensche Dir zu deinem 28. Geburtstag von Herzen alles Gute!

An dieser Stelle:

- Ich find es cool, dass wir uns zoffen koennen oder diskutieren und uns trotzdem gut verstehen!
- Ich find es cool, wie wir der gleichen Meinung sind wenn es darum geht, dass manche Deutsche manchmal ein biiiiisschen langweilig oder "anders" sind!
- Ich find es cool, dass ich wenn ich bei Dir bin immer was Leckeres zu essen bekomme!
- Ich find es cool, wie wir uns gegenseitig (was die Uni angeht) immer ein bisschen herausfordern, was im Endeffekt saugut ist, weil wir dann beide bessere Noten haben und noch viel cooler fand ich unsere nächtlichen Lernaktionen oder als wir bis morgens früh zusammen Seminararbeit für Publi geschrieben haben...hehe...

Also: DANKE, dass Du da bist und immer ein offenes Ohr hast (auch wenn wir einander manchmal nicht vestehen ;) Du bist eine meiner BESTEN Freundinnen!!! Ich schwoer, Alde :P

UND: Ich werd es nicht vergessen und bin Dir auch wirklich sehr dankbar, dass Du mir was zu Weihnachten geschickt hast als ich gaaaanz alleine in Kanada war. Das ist ernst gemeint!

UND: Ich hoffe, dass Du mich (falls es klappt) in London besuchen kommst, weil Du nicht nur TOWER BRIDGE oder BIG BEN, sondern auch mich sehen willst ;)

Final thesis vs. job interview

0:1 for the job interview....

Oh boy, so what did I do today. Prepare for the interview, which was at 5 PM my time. And then hang out with my dad and watch a report about India. I didnt know, but my dad totally loved India. He was really exited today when he told me about his experiences there (back in 1980!!! lol...most of you who read this werent even born I guess ;)

About the interview:
It went rather well (I think, but thats also what I thought about Singapore). But I realized that the job is REALLY interesting! It sounds so cool. Yet of course it always sounds cooler than it is in reality. But it includes all the stuff I long for:

1. Intl. team (its small, only 10 peeps, but so what?
2. Marketing
3. Event Management
4. giving presentations at universities (I never wanted to be a full-time trainer, but giving "seminars" once in a while, that would be PERFECT!
5. traveling within the UK
6. working abroad (I would have to move to London)
7. the woman who interviewed me (who would be my future boss), sounded really cool (she also took some Japanese studies)

Yet, I know that this is the first SERIOUS job I ever applied for, and me getting it (considering the tough job market) somehow doesnt seem realistic. Yet I will BE disappointed if I dont get it. On the other hand side...there is still CS coming up and no answer from Korea yet. Phew, I hope they will make it easy for me and take the decision away from me...lol..you know what, prolly in the end none of this works out and then I will be a bum on the street...well, maybe not, I can always go for another AIESEC traineeship lol :P

dummm di dumm...final thesis....*sigh* I am way to hyper to concentrate. Right now I am waiting for "Desperate housewives" to begin and then I will still have 2-3 hours to work on the thesis (I think)...

*jumping up and down* APPLICATIONS ARE EXITING!!!

Another Zamboni Driver ;)

lol..Emil, seriously I am just posting this to make you laugh...here is another cute Zamboni driver I found lol



Trevor Blumas (Zamboni Driver in "Ice Princess")

Exiting news!

Woahheeee! If things work out I am going to see my trainee buddy (Mr. McC) this friday at Frankfurt airport!!! I will take pics to show you guys :)

So Matt, lets hope things work out! Then I can show you our wonderful airport lol

My best friend!

There is this one person in the world, that I have known for "only" 8 years, but it seems like he is the one that ALWAYS understands me. The one that helps me with my thesis, the one that pushes me, the one that supports my career decisions and helps me when I am on the wrong track. The one that listens when I am sad and blue (parent stories, brother stories, boy stories....) and always just knows what to say.



He is my best friend. He has seen me at my best and my worst. He makes me laugh, makes me think and I always would travel the world with him. I visited him when he was in Japan, now I hope he will visit me when I am in Korea or the UK or where ever lol

Rabin, this is to you: YOU are awesome. And I love you for simply accepting me the way I am, and always being able to relate.


PS: I just had to say this, because I havent had the chance to spend a lot of time with him over the last months. He moved away due to his job and we hardly see each other. But I had the chance to see him last and this weekend. And I realized once again WHY he really IS my best friend...

Talking about leadership...and power issues....

I took the test...

This is the result...

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Emil, if you have time...I would like your opinion on these results lol ;) Also I wonder if the other people reading this agree (I know Matt & Celine you do lol) What do you think..is it kinda true?)

Thesis

ok, I worked on the thesis for 2,5 hours so far...dont ask me what I did the rest of the day...phones & TVs are rather distracting ;)

girls CAN BE superficial *grin*

Well...its true...we talk about boys. A lot. But its fun and therefore is a "highly enjoyable way" (*wink, wink* @ pei) to "waste" time.

In my LC we had a discussion about the actors we liked. Here is my top 5 (probably there are more, but these are the only ones I could think of).

Jerry O'Connell, Real name: Jeremiah
(born: 17.02.1974, NCY, USA - 1,88m)


(he's on my list even though he seems rather superficial, looking at all the girls he has dated...but hey, I dont know them...so I shouldnt say anything - to be fair ;)

Heath Andrew Ledger
(born: 04.04.1979, Perth, Australia - 1,85m)


Colin Firth
(born: 10.09.1960, Grayshott, UK - 1,87m)




Ryan Rodney Reynolds
(born: 23.10.1976, Vancouver, Canada - 1,89m)


Keanu Charles Reeves
(born: 02.09.1964, Beirut, Lebanon - grew up in Canada :) - 1,85m)


George Timothy Clooney
(born: 06.05.1961, Lexington, USA - 1,80m)


PS: To my defense...I didnt do much research on the facts, they are all from "Intl. Movie Database"
PPS: Yes, I am doing this, so I dont have to work on my thesis and to get some distraction...but as soon as I am done I will start working. Promise!

I need serious help...

...with organizing my life.

1. Right now it seems I have three places where I passed round 1 of applications. Odd how two of them might be in the UK (I dont understand British English ;) And another company where I could sent an application to (would be Germany, but a big company though).

2. WHERE do I want to go? WHAT do I want to do?

3. Its sad, but I think finding a job is the most important thing to me right now. Does that sound superficial or what? hehe...

4. All this application stuff keeps me away from my thesis. DUH! Well, actually I keep myself away from my thesis...and I am running out of time. Especially if I am going to the UK for the AC. I def. need to prepare for that one! It will be my first! If you have any tipps..let me know :)

How comes I am so emotional? For my own sake it would be better if I wasnt. But you know what: Really, I dont want to change that much(well, I would like to be less stubborn at times or not so set in my ways)...

See...I am better...

Actually thinking about the movie I just watched...I am a lot better. The movie was about the Holocaust. And how even if you want to change something you sometimes dont achieve anything (Kurt Gerstein (a German page, an English page)). I am grateful for the life I live. Even the worries I have...they are so small compared with the problems some people on this planet are facing (or have faced).

Holocaust

1 picture says more than 1000 words...see for yourself.

a lil better

Do you know when you come to the point that you just feel like crying, but all you can do is laugh hysterically...I am there now.

What happend?
1. Earlier today I took a Guppy female out of the tank, she seemed "funny". Well, no wonder...poor her had 22(!) babies in her tummy as I discoverd just now. I called my dad and we had to agree on something really mean...I released all of them into the aquarium. I dont know how many will survive...probably not many. But what can I do, the other opportunity would have been flushing them down the toilet, and that would have been much more unpleasant. I feel bad. *sigh* why do fish have to reproduce?

2. I got a phone call from a company I applied for LONG time ago..well, it was sooo long ago, that I dont remember what job I applied for! lol Well, the woman was pretty nice, so I hope I didnt totally screw it. And I believe its a position in London. So that would be kinda funky....I will keep you posted...but thats another thing...my "heading for the future stage". I just wish I would know whats coming next, then I wouldnt have to worry about things..DUH!

3. I keep losing my stupid internet connection. Its really frustrating if you get disconnected every 2 mins. URGH!

Well...laterz, and dont worry...I will be fine tomorrow (I hope)...

Pissed off!

Ok, I think I've had it.
I am not going to feel guilty going abroad because of my grandpa (after all he lied to me too) or my brother (cause he doesnt care anyways, he is so preoccupied with his life and his problems and whatever) or my parents (my mom is in Korea for 4 weeks now, and my dad just left to the blackforest).

So, f*** it. I am doing my thing.

And another thing I realized: Loving and caring for people is the most stupid thing in the world. In the end you only get hurt. So if you dont care everyone thinks you are an ass*** but at least you dont get your heart ripped out.

Another catastrophe: I found 3 more babies. I have now 10 guppy babies in my f*** aquarium. And no way I can keep them. But I cant just flush them down the toilet. Another problem I dont have a solution for. (well, ok, I have some ideas).

Sorry for being so bitchy and swearing. Right now I just cant help it, cause if I dont I am going to cry for rest of the day...

Tomorrow would have been my grandma's bday...I wish she was still around.

Tired, sad, frustrated...not a good day...

Hi,
I feel worn out. Life is such an energy drainer. Would be so easy to just stop. But I am too much of an coward to do something stupid, and also I wouldnt want to put people in a position where they might feel guilty. And you know me, I am just not the suicidal type...

Why am I so blue today?
1. As much as AIESEC in Vic has motivated me, my LC here is not the same at all. Dont get me wrong, I have some cool friends here too. They are just SO NOT international. And our trainees suck. I mean you never see them. BOOOORRRING!

Hmm, I have to admit though that I had a good time yesterday and today, telling people at our information session about my traineeship and my AIESEC experiences (network, internationality, possibilities).

2. Family affairs. I have tried to put them in the back of my head, the back of my heart. In some corner where I dont have to deal with them. But its impossible. Yet I am to worn out to even cry about it. I cant do anything, and that frustrates me the most. Life taught me that I am the only one who can fix my problems. But this time I cant. Its not my responsibility. Its not within my powers to do anything. Any though...even if I had the power to change things, I wouldnt know what I really want...

3. I wish I was done with school. I wish I had finished earlier and had paid more attention to my CV, so that now I could PICK with company I want to work for and not worry if I find a job at all.

4. I am frustrated about Korea. That they dont tell me if its a YES or NO. (whats kinda cool is that I read on their website that they have three trainees at all times and that last year they organized a German Christmas Market...that would be such a FU project!!!).

5. I am sad that my brother is always so busy. When I talk to him he is sitting in front of the laptop and not even paying attention, or he is about to call someone, or he is being called or I dont know...I just dont get to talk to him. Yet I dont even know if I want to talk....too much talking to people about how I feel...I dont WANT to do it, yet it happens (yeah, yeah...so I guess in the end I WANT it...).

6. Forget everything I just wrote..I am just feeling URGH tonight. Helpless. Vulnerable. Down. (ok, this is the part where you can pity me :)

Good night...

PS: I have decided to lock myself into my room for the next 10 days and work on my thesis 24/7.

Singpore - NOT

Got an email from DHL this morning, I am not goint to Singapore to WORK there...but I still hope I will get to go and see the Merlion and Celine :)

Besides that I had Korean culture studies tonight, and our teacher showed us some really awesome pictures. (Here is a random page from the internt with pics of Korea). If things work out and I get to leave by the middle of July I will totally try to travel at least for a week. There is so much to that country (and thank the lord its not as spread out as my beloved Canada!)...and I hardly have seen any of it, cause when I am there I only go and see my family. YES, of course I usually stay 1-2 weeks, BUT you dont know HOW big my family is :) hehe...

Well, so as soon as I got the final yes from Korea I will start planing. Hey, come on, I need a break from my thesis every once and then ;)

And the coolest thing: Vivien (a friend from Germany) will be there this summer, and Kang, Ji and Sang will also be in Korea this summer. Also my brother is planing to go there in September for 2 weeks - with his gf (lol I just added that, cause I am pretty sure I wont see much of them ;)

And a good friend of mine is having her baby soon, and I will get to see all my cousins and family and friends and get to eat GOOD Korean food, and I can have Sushi there too, and I get to go to no-rä-bang (singing room)..and, and, and...

I really really hope its going to happen! No matter how scared I am about my professional future considering the job situation in Germany, IF I will go to Korea, I am going to have (another lol) time of my life!

Sorry, Celine, dont get me wrong. I would have loved to go to Singapore and experience something totally new, BUT...Korea is where a big part of my heart is, and yet I dont belong there...if I get to go and spend more time there I will belong more (at least thats how I feel). So pls wish me luck, now that Singpore isnt going to happen for sure...

Friends!

I am happy. I worked a bit on my thesis, and I finally got to see Rabin again (my best friend - the Indian one :)

We talked sooo much. Its so good to meet up with someone who knows you so well, and 100% understands you. And cares so much. I simply love him. He is the best. I cant believe its been already 8 years since I met him. Thats over 1/3 of my life. WOW, cool, eh? I cant believe I have friends I have known for more than 22 years! lol I am sooo old!!!

Well, I wanted to say thank you for all the great friends I found around this planet, from all those different cultures, with all those different characters and tempers. Its great. I feel blessed. Hope you all are well.

Love,
jen..kimchi..jenny...mufflon...lil jam...or HOWEVER you may call me ;)

May 8th, 1945

ATTENTION LOOOONG BLOG (yet not done...still working on this one...touchy subject)

60 years ago.
The end of something that cost 50 million people their lives.
The end of something that cost the lives of 6 million jews.

Due to one man.
Due to one man?

Doesnt it seem unbelievable?
I think it is. If people wouldnt have followed him, then it would have never happend. So I agree, there is no way only to blame him. Yet, its dangerous to show the HUMAN side of him. Of course he was a human being, who came from a pretty f*** up home, and who had a pretty bad start to life. But there are millions of these people, thank the lord, that not all of them become head of state, eh? Problably he felt humiliation, happiness, sadness, love, hate (especially THAT we know of). Maybe he was nervous around girls? Maybe he felt happy waking up in the mountains with the sunshine coming through the window? Maybe he wished he had a better relationship to his family? Maybe he would have traded being "Führer" for a happy childhood, if he had the chance? Who knows? Its hard to imagine this yelling lil prick from the movies as a human being, is it?

So, what is my point?

That the people who lived back then are also to blame. Probably thats easy for me to say, as my grand-grandpa was in a KZ for a few weeks, cause he was in the socialist party and someone who didnt like him, thought he had to tell on him. Probably thats easy for me to say, as my grandpa was away fighting in the war, not knowing what was going on back home.
Anyways I dont think there is a point in blaming the Germans who live today (btw, did you know Hitler was Austrian to begin with?).

Dont get me wrong. I never was proud of my father's country. I dont even feel German most of the time. Because I learned NOT to be proud of my country. On the other hand side I know Koreans are VERY proud of their country. Someone there once told me, he would be embarassed if he was mixed. Very nice, eh? Another form of racism.

But I have had a lot of talks with "real" Germans my age. And some of them start to get a little tired of being blamed for what started to happen almost 70 years ago. And to a degree I understand. Try to imagine if you go abroad and the first thing when you mention your nationality people think is HITLER. Doesnt feel very nice, does it? Its not that they are not aware. Believe we, we talk about it in school A LOT. These days there are documentations and movies about WWII & Hitler all over the TV program, all stations (government and private ones).

And you know one thing I have to agree on...
- How comes only these days people start to talk about what the Japanese did to the Koreans and Chinese?
- How comes there Americans tell Germany to shut up, cause Germany wouldnt even exist anymore if it wasnt for the Americans? And all the democracy talk, coming from a country where racism played such a big role for the longest time? A country where you can still find members of the Ku Klux Clan?

I believe we need to let the past go at a certain point. Dont forget about it, but also be aware that peoples move on. That the people from those days arent the same like today.

Being in Canada (even though I was called KIMCHI), made me realize how much of me still is "German"...no matt, no beer, no sausage, no Lederhosen hehe...and not only the way I work. Its more. Its deep culture I cant explain and I cant understand myself. We are victims of the society we grow up in.

I remember a talk with a friend from China, we talked about Hitler, and he was pretty exited about him, and thought he was a genius. Well, you know what I believe....we really have no right to judge the people living under Hitler. How do we really KNOW what we would have done, had we lived in that time? Can you really, really say that you WOULDNT have been part of it? Be honest with yourself. I dont think anyone could say it, and be 100% sure. And if you say so, you dont know what fear for your life is.

Interesting. Reading this one could think I am trying to defend the country I grew up in or better to say, the people who live here. But I just want yourself to reflect on history and your own actions. Did you never look down on someone before? Never ever? Well, then you are a really good person or a really good liar.

In the end what it comes around to is: We need to make sure things like this dont happen. We need to make sure no where around the world people are discriminated due to their religion, race, color or what not.

Our and the following generations need to grow up with a sense of right, the ability to have mercy, the willingess to understand and embrace diversity. To be open for what the world can bring us if we dont lock ourselves in our own minds.

Thats why I am with AIESEC. And I wont give up hope quite yet, that we can make a difference. And it doesnt matter HOW, as long as we DO MAKE a difference. Even if its for one person. Cause we cant change the world in a day. Or a week. Or a month. Or even a year. But we need to start somewhere. And that someone is within US. Take the challenge, keep up the hope and go for it.

You need to be the change you want to see in the world.
- Mahatma Gandhi

Hope - good or bad?

Hope sux. It makes you imagine how things COULD be, even though you know they never will. And its the reason why you even fall harder after when you realize that.

I was laughing with my parents these days. And they were laughing together. And they are planing a trip to Africa (lol yeah, can you tell our family LOVES traveling :)

But...in the back of my mind I know things are wrong. When someone is cheating on someone on TV, when I read it at the back of a cover, even when I look at my dad...it all comes back.

I still dont sleep right (its 4:30 AM right now), I am supposed to get up in 4,5 hours. Every night I have the weirdest dreams. I just want to scream and get out of this, but I dont know how. People keep telling me to find a way to let go, but how can I?

Once in an application I was asked who my rolemodels were, and one was Mahatma Gandhi, and the other was my grandma. And why? - I will spare you the Gandhi part.- About my grandma: She was accepting everyone. She cared about everyone. She gave huge amounts of love to everyone. And she kept the family together. Since she died it seemed that part became my job. Dont get me wrong. I took it freely. No one is forcing me (pretty impossible to force someone to something like this anyways). And I guess in a way it does me good, cause I have a purpose. I have somewhere I belong to. I need that. No matter how much I like sailing the ocean of life, I need a harbour where I can return to. ROFL...I wrote this on purpose...doesnt it sound awfully cheesy? *grin* ok, but I hope you got the idea!

Enough! I am making myself blue, and actually these days arent too bad: I have control over my life for now.

PS: About grandma: On top of all the above mentioned she was an awesome cook and made the best christmas cookies ever! She would always make my bro his fav. kind and me too (of course mine incl. chocolate ;)

PPS: Damn, its someones birthday, and I dont remember who's!

Cultural Differences: The money we spent, the dreams we want to live...

A friend of mine brought up the discussion if a student loan should be spent for traveling.

I learned that people from North America have a total different concept of a loan in general. Here in Germany I would say people only take loans for a house or a car. Because most of us dont really need it for school. I pay EUR340/year for my school (and that includes public transportation in the town where I study and a lil beyond). I know to a lot of students around the world thats ridiculously cheap. Me personally, I feel bad when I owe people a lot of money. And I know I would feel very pressured if I knew I had to pay back a huge loan. Especially now with the world economy being rather poor. Someone I know (and is a lot younger than me) graduated this January, and she still didnt find a job, even though she has 5 internhips already and her marks arent bad either.

Conclusion: I agree that a student loan should RATHER not be spend for traveling. I was really happy that I made my own money and HAD money to travel like I did in Canada, and didnt have to bug my parents for it. Now I wonder if the job in Korea is paid, cause otherwise I have to make a similar decision: Miss out on a dream or use the money my grandparents have saved for my future...how do we know whats right?

When I was 23, I was really close to dying. Could have happend within a few mins actually. After that I learned to let go a bit. Actually its also a reason why I took so long for school. Because to get my pre-diploma had already taken me 6 months more than other students, and after getting into my major subjects more I really wanted to finish fast. But then the thrombosis happend and I was wondering whats the point of finishing school early and maybe missing out on a lot of chances to be happy?

Today being almost 28 and very wise *coughs* I guess I should have hurried up a bit. But I dont regret any of the things I did.

2000 was the summer of ZERI, EXPO and Australia.
2001 was the year of the thrombosis and P&G.
2002 was my time at LB and starting Japanese Studies.
2003 was my year of break-ups (I am glad it was me who broke up, yet I felt really bad doing it).
2004 was my year of getting back into AIESEC and finally realizing my dreams of going abroad for more than 3 months.
2005 so far has been a time of memories from Canada, working on my thesis and looking forward to another exchange experience in ASIA!

I guess somehow I was a burden to my parents considering the fact that I could have graduated a couple of years ago, yet they werent the only ones supporting me. And I know all the people who did support me rather wanted me happy than rushing through school and studying 24/7.

So...in the end I think we need to do what we feel is right and what the people who love us want us to do...if parents dont want you to do things they will usually let you know :)

Happy traveling to all of you, and dont forget that sometimes you need to live a little and that doesnt necessarily mean that you are neglecting your responsibilities. If you can justify your decisions without feeling guilty, then they are the right ones. (wow, do I sound wise now, or what?)

Love,
jen

My babies!

*sigh* you have NO idea how damn difficult it is to get a decent picture of a buch of lively guppy babies swimming around like crazy!

Here is the best shot I got today (not quite giving up yet!):

Blogs - Marketing perspective

While doing some research for my thesis I found this article on blogs from a marketing perspective. In case you are interested click HERE.

A new romance = my thesis & me !

God, I cant believe it. I finally REALLY, REALLY started working on my thesis, and it is FUN and I like it! Because it is really interesting to me. Scary, eh? Cause the topic is Coupons...how superficial is that...supporting the big multinationals, which try to rip off the poor customers. Actually not necessarily...Coupons have soo many facets to it, that I wonder if I can fit it all in the 40 pages I calculated for it! We will see...

I need to go back to my thesis....its calling me!!!!

PS: still no news from SINGAPORE!!! DUH!!!

End of the ME-time :'(

Oh well, it had to end...

What?

The ME-time (=Jen having the house all for herself).

My parents are coming back and I am supposed to pick them up at the airport at 6:45 AM. Yikes! PLUS they didnt get to meet up with Dave, so my teddy bears are still in Canada and poor Dave carried them around for nothing (in case he even took them to Montreal). Darn. Wonder if the girls will have ANY space to bring them this summer...

Singapore: Still no result. Korea: Still didnt let me know if they would pay me or not.

What did I do today:
- AIESEC Info booth
- lunch with Merle (SCHAWERMA! My first time, but Lahmacun is better I think...yummy Turkish food!)
- Japanese class: I am surprised I wasnt really THAT bad after all (I managed to repeat and learn all the KATAKANA by heart last night!)
- And even though I promised to meet Ji-na I didnt go to the LCM...too much to do. Plus its a holiday tomorrow, and my parents should have something to eat when coming back from Canada ;)

Besides that....read 1,5 hours for my thesis. NOT ENOUGH...but I have to get up at 6:30 AM...so I need to sleep now....zzzZZZZZZZZ.....

DISCOVERY OF THE DAY: I saw Johnny, Patricia (Calgary), Menso, Iwona and myself on the IC 2004 VIDEO!!! I am famous now ;) - to be honest I had to watch it twice to discover myself lol

Time flies!

Hmm, so what did I do:

SUN: In the end I just spent 4,5 hours working on my thesis *sigh*

MON: I ended up watching "Anne of Green Gables" until 7 AM. DONT ASK :D So...I missed Japanese class (doesnt matter, I already passed that one, its just to repeat vocabulary etc). After Korean culture studies (tons of nice photos), I went to the spontanious BBQ my LC organized. And Iwona was so nice to share her food with me :)

TUE: AIESEC Info Booth. I sucked today. I was just too tired. And right now I am not my happy self. Then went to have lunch at 2:30 PM with a bunch of AIESEC friends. Had some interesting discussions. MATT: You would be very disappointed, but I dont think AIESEC Germany is as eager as Canada to implement XP...and NO, its not my fault lol

Had Korean class. For the first time in 3 years I did the homework! Just to discover that we didnt have any homework lol...but it was good to be prepared, the other guy in my class is really good (both his parents are Korean though).

Talked to Chris (my ex)..its nice to have a good relationship with ex-bfs/gfs I think. After all we loved them one day...

Other news: Bro left to Hungary...

My weekend!

FRI: lazing around, wasting another day...*sigh* feeling bad about it, but now its too late anyways...

SAT: Tried to get some things done in the morning. Cleaned up the house, as I had a friend coming over, and my bro and me had been pretty messy the last days since my parents left.

Then got ready for the party at Oli's place: "Sleezy guys and cheap girls" (translation isnt perfect, but I think you got the idea). This is how I looked in the end (thanx to Iwona ;)

This is a pretty bad picture to begin with:


and I had another one, but I really dont think it should be on the www ;) Email me if you want to see it. Patty would be proud of me - I think ;)

And here is my pimp *grin*


Well, the party was fun, cause I met a lot of people I havent seen in a while, yet I didnt meet any "nice" people. It just seemed that a lot of people were pure party people, and not the kind of person you can have a serious conversation wiht...*Hmm, looking at my picture again..neither did I look very intellectual ;)

Iwona spend the night at my house and we ended up talking about 1000 things, which meant we went to sleep at 6:30 AM, yet she was up at 11 AM...*sigh* Well, at least I got up "early" hehe....

SUN: After droping Iwona off at the station I went back home and worked on my thesis for 1,5 hours! Yeah, I am so proud that I finally got started, yet I promised myself I need to work on it another 4,5 hours, and its already 6 PM....oh well...

AND OMG...my brother discovered MORE babies! Now I have 7 guppy babies, and I really worry. I know I wont be able to keep them all, otherwise they will take over the aquarium...but I cant just drain them down the toilet...any ideas? Let me know if you have any suggestions. AND NO! NOT GUPPY SUSHI ;)

Btw, here is a family picture hehe...