gone for a few days

I will be gone for a few days.

Assessment Center. *woot woot* I am not nervous yet, which is good. BUT I am also NOT prepared yet...not so good. Well, I guess I have to print tons of stuff tomorrow and then read it at the hotel.

Also I am really looking fwd to Thursday (June 30th), because I will meet Sai, Pei and Ally in LONDON! Isnt that awesome! Cant wait. Will be tons of fun!

Leave some comments anyways...I will read them as soon as I get back on Saturday :)

Big hug,
until then...have fun and enjoy life :)

Kisses to the world,
jen :)

PS: Plans for Saturday: Maybe attend Ann's Party. Otherwise go there on Sunday (w/ bf hopefully....he said he would come and see me at the weekend...which I think is necessary...only a month left!).

*singing* Jenny...its your birthday...*humming*

Funny, this song always reminds me of Chris :)

Anyways...birthday. Woweeeee....I was a lil bit stressed out actually. I just returned from EROS yesterday, tons of stuff I had to do, as I am leaving for the UK tomorrow. In the middle of all this I had organized my birthday dinner, but it turned out that half of the people never received an email. So I had to contact ppl last night and today. Bad timing and all I would say.

But about two weeks ago Stina said we "have to celebrate". Fine :)

Well, it was nice in the end to spend the evening with good friends: Jan & Regine (who I know from university), Frank & Flo, Nora (we graduated from High School together, and I havent seen her in the longest time! About 8 years?!) and Christine & Marcel also stopped by (Thank you soo much, I know it was a big hassle).

And also a lot of AIESECers: Stina, Anne, Astrid, Thomas, more members of my LC and our trainees from France (was so funny, cause its Ann's bday as well!), Mario (USA) and Natasa (Canada)...and Kathrin (LC DA).

Plus my brother and a friend of his (Julia).

We had started the evening with dinner at a Mexican restaurant (Will, you would have laughed ;) And the food was really good, even though it doesnt look like it on the photo ;)



Here is us:




Then we left and began the journey (stopping 3 times and waiting for ppl and stuff like that). As you know me, we found something to do: Taking pictures ;)



Here is Frank (my best friend besides Rabin - They are both #1) and me:

Expectation setting - an AIESEC disease

Expectations towards...

1. The conference
2. The delegates
3. Someone

Interesting ranking.

lol its kinda funny that Celine was refering to this blog, before I even had a chance to finish it ;)

Well...now that I have time (its June 28th by now)..actually I dont, its 3 AM, and I have to get up in 6 hours...

anyways....

1. Expectations towards the conference: As my last XPS was so awesome I expected a really great workshop. Of course life always throws something at you when you dont expect it. The whole workshop "exploded"...well it sounds worse than it is I guess ;)
Just a lot of things happend (felt really bad for my co-trainer, cause it was her first training).

2. Expectations towards the delegates: Dont remember why I wrote that. They were really nice. Lots of ppl who had been abroad before. Especially Maya was really cool (she is half Indian/half German).

3. Besides that...expectations towards "someone". We already had talked about it and I knew that I should keep expectations low. In the end it wasnt as bad as the last conference (dont know why I am saying this...but I just felt like that), yet we are far from being a "normal couple". I dont know what it is. Maybe cause he isnt that sure yet or maybe he just doesnt feel comfortable with showing affection in public. Well I guess in the end it wasnt so bad...we were in the gossip ppt. 1000 points for me :) hehe...

I dont know its just so hard. Maybe I forgot how difficult it is to start a relationship, maybe its just him and me. Maybe just him? Maybe its all cause he isnt sure...maybe its cause he isnt used to having a gf. He is so focused with work and everything...hard to explain. And probably this isnt the right place to write down ALL my thoughts ;)

EROS impressions!

The Punsishment Team. Walter & Norbert





Markus & Jen

Artur & me

We go way back to the time when AIESEC was great ;)

Walking the walk....

Thank you, lil bro! Thanx for listening and caring. Its exactly what I needed. Its good to know that there is always someone who will protect me from the assholes in the world ;)

Its too hot here. I must be crazy to be exited about going to Korea in August. Especially when I think about the business cloths I will have to wear!

Tomorrow will be crazy. I still have to clean up my room (bf is coming next week, and I cant let him see this ;) - also I need to make sure all the cloths I want to take to the UK are at least washed.

Cant believe I am going to see Sai, Ally and PEI in a week! Its crazy. I am so exited! It will be awesome!

Other than that...nothing new. I am pretty happy, even the old pervert neighbour called again. You know what though...I am getting numb. It didnt really bother me. Actually it was pretty good to yell at someone and let all my other agressions out :P
(The truth: Of course its not really amusing, but I will be gone in 5 weeks, I will be able to deal with it).

Tomorrow: I am leaving for another AIESEC conference, wont be back before sunday. Wonder how it will be. Will see bf again. If he is as "cold" as the last weekend I am not sure how I will handle it...*sigh* I need more "fun" and less stress ;)

Friendships...

There is one thing that becomes more clear and clear over the years: I couldnt live without my friends.

I miss them so much when they are not around. And I am so glad that no matter what it is, I always have people I can call up! Cause no matter what the time is in Germany, some of my friends around the world are awake :)

Besides this...I dont know why, but lately I miss UVic A LOT. Its hard to explain... I just wish we all could hang out for a night...and gimme that feeling of belonging. I just looked at my good-bye ppt again (thanx Celine, I wont forget the effort you guys put into it!)...and it made me cry again. It hurts so much to know it will never be the same, yet at the same time I am simply grateful that I had the chance to experience it :)

And I love how you can call or meet really good friends after weeks/months/years and you can still talk for hours. Big hug to Vali in China (with who I spent 3:30-6:30 AM tonight on the phone lol).

Love to all of you out there,
yours always,
KIMCHI aka jen :)

Dedication to someone special :)

To the most important person in my life!



I know I dont always show it, because I seem so busy with my own life. But I care for you a whole lot. If something would happen to you, I wouldnt know what to do. It makes me sad when you have to suffer and how you worry about life. It makes me sad when you have to say good-bye to someone you love, even though you dont show it.

I wish we had more open talks more often. And we could share all our sorrows and joys. But somehow in the end we both are so busy with life...that sometimes we forget about it.

Today I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me. And that I appreciate how we care about each other even though we are so different. I hope you are allright, and not heart-broken, even though I can imagine its hard.

I love you and always will,
big sis :)

Long term thinking..not for me

Tonight's blog is about me and the concept of family in my life.

For now I dont want it. It doesnt fit in my life. I want to see the world. And I am willing to sacrifice anything for that. Also with all the bs in my own family I really cant see how I would be capable of really committing to someone. I am not even sure if I want an emotional relation with someone. Maybe its all about the physical parts of a relationship. I shouldnt really worry about it, cause it wont get me anywhere. It will just happen when I find the right guy...(if I didnt find him yet).

Long term. Yes, I want a family and kids. But I dont know if I will be able to trust anyone enough for that. At the moment I would say "NO". Maybe one day. Maybe...

Kids. Hmm, and then...DO I REALLY WANT THEM? Tons of people have told me I would be good mother. And I am pretty sure if I would decide one day that I want em, then I would be. But right now I worry enough about myself, I wouldnt want to worry about another human being too. And then..currently...they are so boring after a couple of hours! lol It sounds mean. BUT THEY ARE! I mean they are cute to look at for a while...but then...there is usually soo much stuff to do...I sound evil :P

Confused...(part III)

Now I am confused about myself. Kind of at least. I dont know why I didnt kick his ass. It doesnt seem like he is the one for me. But there is something about him I DO like. I like him cause he is smart and driven. Yet I wonder if he is too smart for me...not sure yet. He IS damn smart. Anyways...I realized tonight that I am still happy all by myself...just me. I am glad I know that. And that it will always be like that. I dont want to depend on someone else to smile and feel good. Relationships are always a risk. This time I have a good starting point, cause I know I am going to leave soon. If it doesnt work out being in Korea will help me to get over it super fast. And I dont care for him that much yet (probably also cause he really hurt me this last weekend).

Lets see what the future brings (as long as it doesnt arrive in 9 months and cries at night, I dont want THAT lol)...

Korean movie week!

Yay, we have Korean movie week at school! Tonight was "Take care of my cat".

Synopsis

Five girlfriends in their early twenties live in the dingy port town of Incheon. A close-knit circle in high school, their paths begin to diverge as they step into the adult world.

At the center of the group is the beautiful and vain Hae-joo, who dreams of becoming a successful career woman. She leaves Incheon for an apartment in Seoul and a junior position with a brokerage firm.

The other girls are left behind in a state of solitude and unease; Tae-hee works for free for her parents and takes dictation from a poet suffering from cerebral palsy and Ji-young seeks a job, while caring for her grandparents in their dilapidated apartment. The twins Bi-ryu and Ohn-jo buffer themselves from change with constant togetherness.

The cellular phones ring as the girls coordinate their meetings. A lost cat, Tee tee, enters the lives of these young women, passing from one owner to the next as circumstances pull lives and friends apart and others together.

Confused...(part II)

Ok, he talked to me. Totally normal. Like nothing ever happend. I am confused. Do guys not realize when they hurt us? I guess not. But then...can he really hurt me yet? I was reflecting during my talks with friends. I am worried that I wont even let him get too close to me, cause I am so emotionally unstable/vulnerable at the moment. Actually its not that bad. I just think I put protection layers around my emotions.

Hard to say...I wish he would tell me what he really thinks. There is something in between us...

Confused...(part I)

I hate when my common sense doesnt work = usually I am pretty good with reading people. Now I found someone I cant read at all. Someone who confuses, frustrates me, and yet there are moments when I feel close to that person. Its very odd. But I am pretty sure I will have to say a good-bye soon.

Well, I am leaving to Korea at the end of July anyways...and its never bad to have a lil fun I guess ;)

Heading out!

Leaving for NC tomorrow. Will be back on sunday. Not going to post anything tonight...I dont know what I am thinking, hopefully my thoughts will be more clear by SUN.

Missing my LC tons..*sigh* weird...I dont have a real shock....I just miss you guys a lot, but then I know you are all over the place...so it wouldnt be the same if I came back now....

PLUS, dont get me wrong, I am looking fwd to going to Korea sooo much! I am probably going to hang out with a lot of ppl:

- Vivien
- Hyun-Kyung and her baby
- Kang
- Jerry
- Sang
- Sandra (Jörg's gf)
- the IHK trainees
- AIESEC Korea
- my family

No-rae-bang, dok-bo-gi, so-rak-san, bi-bim-bab, dae-hag-no, lotte world, dong-dae-mun-si-jang, kyong-ju....sooo much I still want to see and learn about!

Life is a perm up & down...

I could be happy. But I am not. I am just trying to focus on the good things in my life...the fact that I got invited for interviews with pretty much all the companies I applied for...the fact that I have the MOST AWESOME friends in the world...the fact that I just met someone I really like (even though right now I have NO idea where we are heading)...

But I know some of my friends are unhappy...cause they like someone, and dont know what the other person thinks...cause they cant find someone to like....

Anyways...I am confused myself. But we will see...

Life and death!

Hmm, call it what you want, even though it always reminds me of Lion King, the "circle of life" is a good expression.

I have my own circle of life in my aquarium: I found out one of my umm..."marmorierter Panzerwelse" died. But as I have about 10 Guppy babies happily swimming around I am not going to buy another one. I have a lil over-population problem already!

PS: One thing I forgot to mention this morning:
Picture a breakfast table. Dad, mom, Kimchi :)
Mom is trying to talk my dad into visiting Korea with us this fall. Mom (serious): "The shrinks are expecting you!" lol it was so funny. What she meant was: a bunch of psychatrists who have visited us in Germany before were looking fwd to seeing my dad again.

Early start!

I cant believe it, but I got up early!!! lol Feel weird ;) Ok, I am exaggerating.

Anyways...I spent some time chatting with Derek (CAN), Chris (SLOW) Celine (SING) and Mavis (HK). Emailed Patty (USA), who was sitting in her Jacuzzi!!! (How comes my friends are all so spoiled ;) *wink*) Then called Sylvie (AUSTRALIA). I am so lucky to have my friends all around the world. Its amazing. We all are so different, yet by experiences and friendship we are connected. This is exactly the life I always wanted. This very moment.

Oh, well, I have to take that back, cause I just had to think about what I am going to do for the next 4 hours: Working on my thesis ;)

I miss a lot of people at the moment, but I also know I am going to see a lot of them in the next months...

Life is good

I want to say something ppl often forget: I am grateful for the life I have, the comfort, my family and my friends. Even though there are problems, its not bad at all!

(Rabin, I hope you are happier today too ;)

What a weekend!

Hmm, where to start...well probably at the beginning.

Saturday:
1. I had an AC training.
-- Was really interesting. I didnt feel too good after my presentation, but the feedback was good (I was told I am a "pack of energy" - no clue how to translate that properly) and even though it is weird to see yourself on tape it was pretty good to give myself feedback.
-- What would you say if you had one minute to talk about the topic "blue"?
-- Iwona was with me. First I thought it would be weird to have someone in the group that I know. But it was actually fine. We still got enough feedback and didnt influence each other too much.

2. After the AC I went to have late lunch/early dinner with Iwona. Nice cafe in Mainz: Bagatelle.

3. Then I met my best friend Rabin, even though it was freezing he suggested to have ice cream. Amaretto! Yummy!

4. Got home rather late...10 PM? 10:30 PM?

5. Did something crazy...got dressed - ha ha, NO thats not the crazy thing - and drove 115 km to see someone. Turned out to be a good decision. I am very happy :)

Sunday:
1. Had breakfast with my bf (still feels weird to call him that:).

2. 4 PM drove home to pick up my mom, but missed the Dad-shuttle to the airport. Instead headed to a pharmacy and then visited cute baby Tim!!! So sweet!!! Got invited for dinner by N&T.

3. Spent in total approx. 2,5 hours on the phone. Discussed my birthday party plans with Iwona and had to tell my best friend Frank, that he isnt the "1st Frank" in my phonebook anymore ;)

4. Ok, add another 45 mins to the phone bill. Called a SINGAPOREAN cell! Sooo cheap: Only 1,7c/min! C., thanx for approving lol ;)

Travel plans...

Ok, I am taking a 10 min break...

TAIWAN

I found a pic I really like:


And here you can see the whole beauty of Taiwan.

SINGAPORE...this are the first pics I found doing a google search:











So Celine, are you going to show me all this in Dec? ;)

Love,
jen :)

Sometimes you just have to look up...

Sometimes we dont even realize how many beautiful things are around us, that maybe what we are looking for is right there...

I am working on my thesis, and I looked up and this is what I saw through the window...

Nothing happening...

Its kinda weird, after a busy week (FAME, BBQ, Frank's bday) things have slowed down a lot. Which is good, cause it leaves me with time for my thesis. But also my energy level dropped. I cant believe how much energy I have during AIESEC conferences and how lil sleep. I wish I was like that 24/7, well not EXACTLY like that, ppl would think I am on drugs or something ;)

I got another snail mail card today! Yay: Thank you Celine!!! I feel so guilty, I will have to mail your letter soon!

And after calling up most of my friends over the last 2 days there are no more excuses to start working on the thesis...which I did yesterday at around 3:50 AM *grin* I def. need someone to kick my butt. Yes, Rabin, I DO appreciate it ;)

Love,
jen :)

Reverse Culture Shock!

Wow, I wonder if I am starting to have my reverse culture shock. Tonight I talked to almost all my friends from Vic. Its weird. Its been 2 months since I have been back. Yet we are still close. I am pretty sure if I would go there now things would be the same, but....EVERYBODY seems to leave. Its sad (I think I mentioned this earlier).

I cant focus tonight. Things are running through my head. I start to wonder if I like someone. Hard to explain. And maybe to personal (not sure if he is reading this). First thing everyone said when I told them: Is he in Germany? lol - I am not THAT bad...Leendert was in Germany as well! ;) But thanx guys for the advice (you know who I mean ;) One thing made me think: The way you reacted, Celine...about being international...I think you got a point.

Sometimes I wonder if its a good thing or a bad thing to be so international. It makes me so different from most of the people around me. I miss Canada in a sense that there everyone is international. It just made it really easy for me to fit it. Not with the "white people", but with the Asians. And thats what is confusing me so much: I am born here in Germany, my dad is German, I lived all my live here with German friends all around me. How comes I never fit in? How comes I went to Vic and I felt "whole"? If you would call me "Kraut" I would feel offended, but if you call me "KIMCHI" it makes me happy... lol sounds weird.

Today I am confused: I am thinking about all the things I am planning in my life. So much to do and see. How is everything going to work out? I pretty much know who I am and who I can be. Or at least I feel like it more often than a year ago (guess I am getting older and wiser,eh? ;) - But there are still those days where I wonder where I belong. Often I feel like I dont fit into the German society. I dont like drinking (especially not beer), I dont like drinking games, I dont like soccer...lol can you imagine I am a cultural sensitivity trainer? This is just a list of prejudices ;)

It usually doesnt bother me. People who know me will know that I can have tons of fun even without drinking and especially with people around me who make me do crazy things, like Patty & Deno ;)

Life has been really fun these last days. Good things happend. Thomas and me had a good talk. About love and life. Seems like he likes someone ;) I just spent 3 hours on the phone with my friends from CAN. Listening to their news. I am glad for Jerry and Ric that things turn out that well. I didnt realize how much I miss my "roomies" until I heard their voices.

Regarding "problem 1": I like being free. Doing "my thing". I dont know if it even makes sense to start something now that I am about to leave...does it? Well, I guess I am going to find out anyways...its not only my decision ;)

Regarding "problem 2": I think I just miss UVic, and the fact that Celine just left reminds me of the fact that things wont be the same. I wish we could have a house party at Sai's. Thats exactly what I would need right now. *grin* Peppo and the girl nights. Jerry & Ric and the relationship talks. Deno faking an orgasm! Pei-Tien and me having serious talks & shopping for blue friends. Dave in girl's cloths! AIESEC conferences. Chris' & Derek's lapdances (scary, but fun). Emil playing Dr. Evil for me! Good stuff. - I guess I should go to my RIS instead of summer natl. conference :)

It has been 8 months...crazy...

I just realized that is has been about 8 months since I landed in Vancouver. And about a year since I trained at HOPS & SEX (XPS) when I made the decision that I want to go abroad. After Korea I thought I would never have such a time again. But Vic was incredible!

With Matt & Mavis already gone, Celine - who just arrived home - and Chris & Deno about to leave I realized that things arent the same in Vic right now...

I know you guys are reading this, and I want to thank you for everything you have done. Starting with picking me up at the ferries:


I know I said thank you so many times before. But I cant say it enough. I might have changed your life (man, I love the ppt!!!), but you have also changed mine. I cant believe I found so many new friends from all over the world, which such different backgrounds who became this huge group of friends during winter 2004/2005. I know there are thousands of miles between us, but it wont matter when we meet again...we will always be friends.

Here is who I already met/will meet in 2005:
1. Met Matt at the airport in FFM & will have Christmas with him!
2. Talked to Ji on the phone while he was in Germany!
3. Will meet Pei-Tien, Sai & Ally in London.
4. Will hopefully meet Jerry in China or Korea.
5. Will meet Min-Jung, Sang & Kang (its so funny that their names rhyme) in Korea.
6. Will meet Celine in Singapore or Korea.
7. Might meet Patty in the Netherlands or Indonesia.
8. Might meet Celine in the Netherlands or Paris.
9. Hope to see Chris while he is here in Europe.
10. Might get to see Mavis in Hong Kong.

Plans for 2006:
1. Go and see Deno in Toronto!

Crazy, eh? I never thought I would see that many people in the close future!

The girls: Me, Deno, Sai, Pei-Tien, Celine! - only Celine II is missing, cause by that time she was still in Singapore...and of course Mavis and Jess...and Jenny and Nadia too...WRC was awesome, wasnt it?

Final blog address

All my future blogs can be found at: kimchi.nomadlife.org!

still tired

After chatting with some really nice ppl last night I got up rather late (NOON!), cause Rabin called. Then I talked to I dont know how many other people on the phone...lost track. The internet and the phone are going to be my downfall...or you could just say I am pretty communicative :P

Anyways...I went to Korean class, after I found out that I wont be going to London for sure. I guess I should be disappointed. The weird thing is: I am not. I am totally exited, cause this means that I will be going to Korea (99% sure). I was so happy that I almost started crying. I dont know why I love that country sooo much, its just so weird. Well, anyways...after Korean class I went to a BBQ by my LC, and then I went to Frank's bday party. He turned 28 today. I have 3 weeks to go ;)

Life is awesome. Today (well now yesterday) is/was simply great. I love life!

Song of the day: Natural High - Mark Sway

Career Fair

Heya!

Today is Career Fair. Its funny. I know I wont apply for another job until October, yet its exiting to try to find out which other options there are. No clue where I am going to end up. Might it be Germany or somewhere else...

Another thing is, that I wonder how I am going to feel when I get there, its probably going to remind me a lot of UVic CF, and my friends. Good memories...yeah, I know I was rather strict that day...FORGIVE ME, will you? ;)

All my love to UVic!

Application photos

Did you know that Germany is one of the few countries where you have to send a photo with your application, which totally sux, cause its rather expensive to have them taken? So if you apply for a position in North America, dont send a photo as they probably will have to kick you out of the process due to "political correctness".

This is mine:


Then Rabin is going to join me for my Japanese class..hehe..thats going to be funny. He should be sooo much bette than me (and I am afraid he is). Damn, those Kanjis! So hard! I cant believe Simone is learning Chinese!

Friends

I love when you have friends who you only see seldom, but every time it just takes a short while to be close again.

Simone is one of these friends. We met 1998 in Korea, due to AIESEC. Its so cool, we are the same age and she is also Half-Korean. We got along great from the very first moment, and she spent last night at my house, after a really yummy Italian dinner.

Simone & me in the garden

Thanx for visiting! Good luck with Taiwan! I hope I will be able to visit!! That would be awesome!

Hyper, hyper!

I am back...from another AIESEC conferece. I cant believe people count them. Ansgar, German MCP told us he has been to 150 (without the ones where he went as a party delegate), I cant believe his LC is requesting them to keep track of that lol soo weird.

Anyways...I want to talk about my workshop...it was awesome, ppl were great! I cant even express how exited I was! And it was soo much fun. To be honest, I think its even more fun and challenging to train outgoers and not AIESECers...at least with outgoers you can have normal talks :) hehe....

I will probably post more pics sooner or later, but I am too dead now...so just one:

The best thing about the conference:
1. My delegates (awesome ppl!)

2. Some guys on the faci team (no names :)
3. Dancing FRI night at the party

Plans for today!

- Talk to Jörg about our training outline.
- Work on my thesis.
- Drive to Bad Bergzabern.
- FAME trainer pre-meeting.
- Read CS Manual.
- Get good sleep before the conference.

Wednesday plans!

Well, its "only 1:17 AM", which is pretty early for me, yet I dont think I can work on my thesis today. Damn. And I didnt even start reading the manual or finish the outline. I ended up writing a stupid application. I dont know why. Well, dont even bother.

So...here is how our living room looks like today (=no TV for me, which is good):


My brother and tha gang, playing some weird PC game where they are killing people, all looking a lil weird...yo, pichy-dude, feel free to comment ;) hehe...

Your evil sis :P

Intense experience!

Wow, we had a cool evening tonight. It was a very intense discussion about ISLAM (Emil, I wish you had been there). I realized I hardly know anything besides not eating pork...sorry, no SCHNITZEL for you :)

It was scary how agressive some of the people who participated in the discussion (NONE MUSLIMS) were. The people who represented Islam where pretty laid back. We had four different people from Kosovo-Albania (girl) and 3 guys (Turkey, Pakistan and Marocco).

If I have more time (one day), I definatly want to read more about it. And all the other religions (even though I am not very religious myself, its rather interesting).

Conclusion of the day: Reflect on yourself and ask before you judge. Dont take your own culture and "put it" on others...

Plans for tomorrow:
- Finish XPS training outline.
- Browse through CS Manual.
- Work on my thesis.
- Write Japanese Kanji test.
- Work more on my thesis.