new blog

Read about Kimchi's new adventures here!!!

Well, you can simply click on the "HERE" above (which is a link) OR...you can enter the whole link yourself...www.kimchiinkorea.blogspot.com.

10 hours to go!

11:55 AM

Only 10 hours. Woweee, need to drop off my mom at the airport in about 4 hours. Means=I have to pack in that time. Wonder if that will work out ;) hehe..wish me luck!

R: I will miss you!!!!!


2:50 PM
Only 7 hours to go. All packed. Mom is taking some of my stuff. I pray to god they wont lose her suitcase. Some of my literature and 2 books are in there.

Need to pack my backback. Its so hot here. Well, for Germany. 34°C. I wonder how I will handle the weather in Dubai. Probably by 2 PM I will feel like leaving...

Back to packing...

Less than 24 hours.

Its Thursday morning. 1:46 AM. I am so tired. But still soo much stuff to do. I wonder if its a good idea to leave it until tomorrow. Mom will freak out, but I cant motivate myself to do anything. Spent the day with studying, took my Japanese test (dont ask about the result :P), and spent another 3 hours in the libraby. Yikes. I am pretty nervous about my thesis. I just want it to be over with. This is really annoying.

Besides that I found out some other things which very much relate to other people's personal life, so I wont blog about it. Just let me put it this way...it gave me a reason to look through my drawer and look for some old love letters (lol, when I write this I have this inner picture in front of me where I am 70 years old and scanning through them again..remembering the "sweetness of first love"---ayaaayayy...does that sound cheesy OR WHAT :P).

I know that I was really annoyed by some things back then, and in the end there was no love left (or maybe I got too distracted). But I know that he will always have a very special place in my heart, and I am glad we are still friends. I just hate to let ppl go I once cared about. Not cause I need to talk to them all the time, but its nice to get an email every now and then just to know how ppl are doing...

My current status msg on MSN is: "End of a chapter." This is what this will be: The end of a 4-months "chapter of catastrophes" ;)

I cant believe how much weird stuff happend. Yet I know there is worse going on in the world...I know that leaving for Korea isnt going to take it all away. BUT I hope it will distract me, and bring back my old me again: Happy, funny, cheerful.

Just a few more days before I see Hyun-Kyung, Sang, Da-Hye, Vivien, Kang, Martin, my family...and eat REAL KIMCHI, bi-bim-bab, dok-bo-gi. Autumn coming up with all those beautful colors and hopefully I will be able to do some traveling. Bung-o-bang. Maybe Japan..visit Ikuko/Kyoko and see Clare in Osaka? Would be so odd, us both so far away from home meeting in Canada->Japan.

Also exited about meeting the people from work. Checked out their website. They seem fun. And "white" :P lol..am I supposed to say that in public ;)

PS: As I have been fighting with the internet again its 2:20 AM by now. Really need sleep. Dentist appointment at 10 AM.

Should I go or not?

I am wondering if I should make a reservation for the "Al Mahara". I read the average amount spent by guests is 110US$. Thats crazy. But then, if I only take a main course they cant blame me...its a restaurant...What do you think? Should I? Its a once in a lifetime chance. And after all the things that happend since April...maybe I deserve it?! ;)

RESTAURANT MAGAZINE - 50 BEST RESTAURANTS IN THE WORLD 2004 (in association with Penfolds - UK Restaurants CAPITALISED)

1. French Laundry, Yountville, CA, USA
2. THE FAT DUCK, Bray
3. El Bulli, Spain
4. L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon, Paris
5. Pierre Gagnaire, Paris
6. Guy Savoy, Paris
7. NOBU, London
8. RESTAURANT GORDON RAMSAY, London
9. Michel Bras, Laguiole, France
10. Louis XV, Monaco
11. Gramercy Tavern, New York
12. Daniel, New York
13. Tetsuya's, Sydney
14. HAKKASAN, London
15. THE WATERSIDE INN, Bray
16. ST JOHN, London
17. L'Ami Louis, Paris
18. Jean Georges, New York
19. LE GAVROCHE, London
20. Flower Drum, Melbourne
21. THE MERCHANT HOUSE, Ludlow
22. Arzak, San Sebastian, Spain
23. Dal Pescatore, Canneto sull'Oglio, Italy
24. THE IVY, London
25. Arpege, Paris
26. El Raco de Can Fabes, San Celoni, Spain
27. Schwarzwaldstube, Baiersbronn, Germany
28. The Cliff, Barbados
29. Rockpool, Sydney
30. LE MANOIR AUX QUAT' SAISONS, Oxford
31. Al Mahara, Burj Al Arab, Dubai
32. Charlie Trotter, Chicago
33. Le Jardin des Sens, Montpellier
34. THE SQUARE, London
35. Spago, Los Angeles
36. Bukhara, India
37. Chez Panisse, California
38. Le Meurice, Paris
39. Trois Gros, Roanne, France
40. Balthazar, New York
41. RIVER CAFÉ, London
42. La Tupina, Bordeaux
43. Auberge d'Ill, Illhauseern-Alsace
44. Craft, New York
45. Le Tour d'Argent, Paris
46. La Maison de Marc Veyrat, Annecy, France
47. Felix, Peninsula Hotel, Hong Kong
48. De Karmeliet, Bruges
49. THE WOLSELEY, London
50. Gambero Rosso, San Vincenzo

Busy.

Why do I always keep forgetting how busy life is when you are about to leave? ;) Japanese test tomorrow! Yikes. Didnt study yet!

12:18 AM (already July 27th) - My cousin told me he is leaving tomorrow. So I ended up talking to him for a couple of hours. He seems really fun and cool. Too bad we never really had a lot of time to hang out. I remember we really liked each others when we were kids. But then we didnt get to see much of each other, cause...well reasons... anyways...its good to get to know your own family better. Interesting. I am just glad there is no one so far I really dont like...that would be weird. But then, there are so many, of course I like some more and some less, eh?

Now its back to KANJI!

Crazy busy life.

Its good to be busy. Distraction. Hard to imagine I will be gone for a few months.

Things I did today:

• returned books


• worked on my thesis


• fixed the fax machine in the AIESEC office and read my profile:
  

  What are you intersted in? My answer: Everything, but TN: I think it sux

  
  *grin* the funny part is: I actually did match a trainee last year and there was a smiley behind that statement, but someone glued my photo on top of it..so it will stay there for all future VP TNs who will never meet me but think I am an idiot ;)


• made some insurance arrangements (another 200€!!!) - you should really make sure that ppl you care about have that covered, cause it seems if they die abroad it costs quite a bit of money to bring them back to their country of origin...hmm, yes, I shouldnt make jokes about it, I am just irritated that I have to spent more money.
  


• sent an overdue letter (hehe, wonder if any of you are scared when reading this, if yes: ask yourself why ;)


• saw my doc: kinda funny, I have givin myself these injections before flights (thrombrosis prevention) for the last 4 years and NOW she tells me its not even scientifically proven that it helps! Oh well, I am going to do it anyways...more drugs for me ;)


• went shopping with my mom (I know most girls wont understand, but seriously I SO DIDNT want to go...I was buying all these shirts and stuff for my internship...really not my style...*sigh* why do people care what one wears?!)


• took photos of my brother for his application


• thinking about studying for my Japanese test, but I have a headache...*OUCH* I once heard sex would help ;) - maybe I take a bath for now

PS: In 3 days from now I will be at the airport, about to take off to Dubai!

Something to think about...

Got this today. First didnt want to read it, but, hey, you know me I am curious. And after I was done I thought its so true...not only about parents, but also sometimes friends are like that...

The Apple Tree and the Little Boy

Somewhere in the woods, there was a huge apple tree. A
little boy loved to come and play around it everyday.
He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap
under its shade. He loved the tree and the tree to
loved playing with him. Time went by...the little boy
had grown up and he no longer played around the tree
everyday as he used to.

After long, the boy came back to the tree, one day. He
looked sad. "Come and play with me," the tree asked
the boy.
"I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees
anymore." The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money
to buy them."
"Sorry, but I don't have money...but you can pick all
my apples and sell them. So, you will have money."
The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on
the tree and left happily. The boy never came back
after he picked the apples. The tree grew sad.

Again after long, the boy returned and the tree was so
excited. "Come and play with me" the tree said. "I
don't have time to play. I have to work for my family.
We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?"
"Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can chop off
my branches to build your house", said the tree. So
the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left
happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the
boy never came back since then. The tree was again
lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was
delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said. "I
am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax
myself. Can you give me a boat?" , asked the boy "Use
my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and
be as happy as you can", said the tree. So the boy cut
the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and
never showed up again for a long time.

After many years the boy finally returned again.
"Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you
anymore. No more apples for you..."the tree said.
"I don't have teeth to bite" the boy replied.
"No more trunk for you to climb on"
"I am too old for that now" the boy said.
I really can't give you anything ... the only thing
left is my withering and dying roots. I don't need
much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all
these years " the tree said with tears. The boy
replied. "Good! Old tree roots is the best place to
lean on and rest". If that is the case, come, come sit
down with me and rest," the tree urged the boy.The boy
sat down and the tree was glad once again and smiled
with tears of joy.......

This is a story for everyone. The tree is like our
parents. When we were young, we loved to play with Mom
and Dad...When we are grown up, we left them... only
came to them when we need something or when we are in
trouble or when we need some peace, happiness or
solace. No matter what, parents will always be there
and give everything they can to make us feel happy.
You may think the boy was cruel to the tree but
that's how all of us treat our parents.

PS: Greetings from the unversity library in MZ - YES! Trying to work on my thesis :)

Which number are you on my friendship list ?! *wink, wink*

Hmm, I realized that this is the 4th time I am leaving for a country thats more than 7 hours away by airplane...and it seems so normal to me. It feels more like I am leaving for a weekend trip or something.

But I was sad when I realized last night that I am not going to see Rabin & Frank (my best friends) until probably December. They both mean a lot to me. I really hope I wont lose them ever!!! lol I kinda offended a few people cause I mentioned that they both tie for #1 on my friendship list ;) But really...they are both my number 1!!! And there is no ranking after that ;)

Yet of course there are a lot of ppl who are really close to me. And some of them are def. reading this blog ;) - You should know WHO I mean :D

My good-bye party!

Wow, it WAS nice! I wasnt so sure how I would feel and how many people would show up, but in the end it was really cool. Lots of people I havent seen in a while!

AIESEC MZ: Anne, Stina, Natasa (Trainee CAN), Hamid
University peeps: Oli, Justyna, Nadine, Alex, Jan, Regine, Alien, Iwona (who helped me preparing all day!!! THANK YOU!!!), Guido.
Others: Mathias, Artur, Sun, Guang-Jin, Kumi, Harry, Rabin, Frank, Christina, Tobias, Anja, Nicole, Christine, Marcel.

I wish Mi-Hwa, Stefan, Leendert & Merle could have made it! Missed my chance to have a pic of Rabin, Frank and me taken! :( Hehe, maybe "welcome home" party ;)

Will upload some pics tomorrow...they are already on flickr...

Ok, here they are:





Old friends: Christina, Rabin & me


Jan



The girls & me


Sun, her son and me


University friends


Artur, Jen, Iwona, Mathias - Blurry :(

- Too bad Jan & Vali werent there! That would have made it perfect :)

Small things.

I know I cant change the world in a day. And actually right now I am too pre-occupied with my own life. Pretty sad, huh?

I remember this one time during the war in jugoslavia, when I was standing in Leendert's kitchen and crying, cause I felt that I should go and help. But he really made me think. He said: What are you going to do? You arent a nurse or a doctor. You have no experience with this kind of work. Think about the best way you could help.

I did, and also a lot of people tell me, key to many issues is money. And I guess if I make money in one way or the other, its also a way of supporting the right ideas and values. Therefore I am trying to support the organizations who DO the right things and have the knowledge to do so...even though after I read about the things that happend with the funds for the Tsunami victims and about development aid in Africa I am not even sure IF they are really doing the right thing...*sigh* why is there always two sides of a story?


So what am I doing for now, that I dont earn money?
I did the same thing like last year: I asked my friends to make a donation for my birthday instead of buying me some present I dont even need. I took the collected money and added some. Probably some ppl will think: pretty cool idea, but I know there are also a lot of ppl out there who grin and think "Does she really think that helps?" and some will probably think "there is sooooo much more she could do". But for now, for me its a start.

Anyways....here are the organizations:


1. Friedensdorf International e.V.
Its a project where they take care of children from war zones. They arrange their operations and then make sure they get back home to their families.

2. Hermann-Gmeiner-Fond/Casa Ute
It is a project supported by the family of Ute. She was a LCP while I was regional chair. She was awesome. Full of ideas and energy. She died during a trip with her friends. Her family helped to realize Ute's dream: They built a house for children in Argentina.

3. WWF
Back in 1961 when it was founded, WWF stood for the "World Wildlife Fund". However, as the organization grew over the 70s and into the 80s, WWF began to expand its work to conserve the environment as a whole (reflecting the interdependence of all living things), rather than focusing on selected species in isolation. So although we continued to use our well-known initials, our legal name became "World Wide Fund For Nature" (except in North America where the old name was retained).

4. Ärzte ohne Grenzen (German branch of Doctors without borders)

BEST THING THAT HAPPEND TODAY!!!

I GOT MY TICKETS TO DUBAI/SEOUL!!! HOW EXITING!!!!!!!!!!

Hmm, today wasnt so bad ;)

Hello you,
whoever you may be...probably your name is Richy, Celine, Matt, Emil, Rabin or Carissa?! ;) hehe...hope I didnt miss anyone....

Well, well...life is life...moving on.

What did I do:
1. Made some financial arrangements.
2. Went to school and finally set the official deadline for my thesis: 15th of October! Yikes...not THAT much time!
3. Copied stuff and got books from the library for my thesis!
4. Learned stuff about Iran. Was told ppl are rather superficial. If you are from Germany and study medicine you can have a lot of woman. You can see drug addicts on the street. Didnt expect that really.
5. Another tiny incident with my mom (nothing compared to last week).
6. My fish have BABIES again!!! YAY!!! (I am not sure if I ever told you that all the 30 old ones got EATEN! Evil fish!)
7. Hab heute nicht soviel an ihn gedacht. Sehr gut! (Bin stolz auf mich & Pich bestimmt auch :) Find es nur krass, dass er anscheinend sooo schnell über die Sache weg ist. Was mich zu meiner nächsten Vermutung führt: Nämlich, dass ich ein Idiot bin und meine Menschenkenntniss schlechter ist als gedacht. Traurig, aber vermutlich wahr. Bis jetzt hab ich es immer "geschafft" mit meinen ex befreundet zu bleiben, was ich auch ganz cool finde. Nur dieses Mal sieht es irgendwie schlecht aus...na ja...so ist es wohl. Ich bins vermutlich einfach nicht gewohnt, dass die Dinge nicht so klappen wie ich mir das vorstelle ;)

PS: Happy B-day to Ludwig (GER) & Peter (CAN)!!!

The world.

When I watch the news I realize that my problems are soo small and tiny that they are not even worth worrying about. And that makes me feel guilty.

There is so much I should do and work for instead of thinking about the things I missed out on or the problems in my family I cant solve anyways...

MEXICO


NIGER


According to the UN in Niger (West Africa), more than 2.5 million ppl are in danger of dying of hunger.

Going in circles...O...O... O... O... O... O... O...

DUH! Do you know this feeling when you keep thinking the same thoughts all over again and it seems like you cant move on, even though you know you wont get anywhere?

I am stuck in one of these thought-circles...they are soo annoying! What is a brain good for if it keeps its own resources occupied with unusual information processing like THIS? DUH!

Sometimes it's be better to leave things unsaid, sometimes not...how does one know?

Seems like there a lot of things I want to tell people, but I dont. I am just out of emotional energy. Here, we go...Miss Melodramatic again. I need to get myself out of this silly self-pity phase. Wont get me or anyone else anywhere.

Er fehlt mir. Ich weiss, dass sollte er nicht. Aber es ist nun mal so. Und ich kann es nicht ändern. Das ärger mich am allermeisten!

DUBAI!

Totally forgot: I booked my flight! Expensive :( 775 EUR!!! BUT: I will be heading to DUBAI for a day (its a stopover)! Isnt that cool? Very exited to go there.

I had the choice between Emirates and China Airlines, but if you go back to my blog from May 20th...Emirates is No. 8 on the list of the "10 safest airlines" in the world, and China Air is No. 2 (!!!) on the list of the "10 worst airlines". Also I heard that Emirates is supposedly really nice and fancy. So hmm,...if you were me, which one would YOU have picked for a long-distance flight? ;) Only problem is: They want me to check in 3 (!!!) hours before departure. How annoying is that?

But then I guess now that I am planing on eating pufferfish, or fugu, taking China Airlines would have just meant another risk, eh? ;)

Luckily I found this article, which makes me kinda feel better about the whole fishy adventure (which I hope I will be able to afford!!!).

So my Emirates ticket and a good Japanese chef should be a good start to KIMCHI's new adventures in Korea :)

Sights: BURJ AL ARAB, No. 1 Hotel in the world, cant believe a friend of mine was seriously thinking about staying there for a night...crazy ppl I know ;)

Canadians...

1. Here you can see our new PAI cleaning the AI bathroom (look for July 14th 2005).

2. A story of "non-friendship"

Colin Angus, 33, and Tim Harvey, 27, had been close friends when they started their journey on a rainy day in June of 2004, riding their bicycles out of Vancouver and heading north.

With rowboats, skis, bicycles and their own blistered feet, the two men hoped to become the first team to propel themselves around the world without any sails or motors.

But things didnt work out...

Read more HERE.

Also check out these sites if you are intersted in the journey:
- Vancouver to Moscow

- Expedition Planet Earth

Getting things done!

Got up and started to get things done.

Appointments with doctors, organizing my flight, calling Korea, planning my last week, organizing my goodbye party, letting friends & family in Korea and Japan know I am coming, visit to the bank (def. interst is too low in this country ;), finished a really weird book (did you ever hear about "cutting", its pretty sick...read "The bitch goddess notebook" if you want to learn more).

Its 5 PM, and I need to get going...

Just a couple things I realized:
1. Today I went to the dentist, and they did a couple of things and then polished my teeth. And I felt like such a spoiled brat, cause there are ppl who dont even have a dentist they can go to.
2. Also there is another thing my dentist told me: I am grinding my teeth. I have done that for a pretty long time, but it now shows. And its just another sign that things in my life arent right...gosh, that sounds so melodramatic. You know what I mean: My life isnt really THAT bad...I DO know that. I am just stuck in a phase of "BLUE-NESS" ;)
3. I think I should have been more honest about my feelings regarding ex-bf. It seems we wont be able to work out a friendship...not sure...just feels like it.

I finally know!

I finally know where I am heading next. Korea it is. Will be good to get outta here. Will things with my thesis pretty complicated. But oh well, what can I do. Its my own fault after all!

Another weekend....

Wow, time is flying. Kinda scary. Only a couple of weeks until the end of July. Another month. I still remember last week. My life seemed pretty good then. Felt like I was back on track, somehow.

Dont get me wrong, I did a lotta stuff this weekend, and Friday WAS def cool. BUT then you know...you cant escape life really...its all in my head. I wish I could just run away for a bit, stop the world from turning and take time off. But I know I cant. Its time to finally grow up. I feel like soo much happend since I got back from Canada. And actually it did. Lot of "not so cool" things...at least thats how I feel now. In the long run I am sure it changed me in one way or the other, and I learned something from it. I dont know what it is I learned yet...but eventually I will figure it out :)

I know I will be allright. I am just like that. Most people would probably say I am a strong person, trying to help everyone, trying to get things done. Sometimes I dont know. Sometimes I think I care too much about people. Probably life would be sooo much easier if I was really egoistic, but thats just not how I work. And in the end I am glad I am not...(well, maybe not tonight *grin*, but in general :)

HAPPY BDAY, CHRISTINE!!!

Fun night!

What a cool night. I am so happy, happy...spent a whole afternoon/evening with the Korean crew (language course and guests). It was soo cool. I miss hanging out with Asians. Dont get me wrong, the last AIESEC conferences here were not THAT bad, its just soo much cooler in Canada. Lot more intl. ppl. And then MY LC. And stuff...

Oh well, cant have everything. Anyways...it WAS fun...many diff reasons...

Then my bro was so nice to pick up my friends from CAN. Met them in MZ, bro & Flo made us meet a bunch of crazy German guys who were umm...intersting ;) Walked to a huge kick ass open air event, just to decide that we dont wanna spend 9 EUROS, but the walk was worth it lol...very, very, VERY interesting ;)

Anyways...its 3 AM, I am to tired to write more. Just feeling alive and happy :)

PS: To a degree I still wish I had been somewhere else tonight though...

Facts about the world!

Estimated Age: 4.6 billion years
Current Population: 6,398,000,000

Land Area: (148,647,000 sq km) 29.1%
Total Water Area: (361,419,000 sq km) 70.9%

Type of Water: 97% salt, 3% fresh - wow...scary, eh?

source: worldatlas.com

Working on my thesis!

Finally I have the feeling I am being effective and back on track. Very cool. Exiting. And important, cause I have only 2 weeks left now.

BUT...every now and then one needs a break...so here we go. I decided to write down what kind of relations I have to the different countries in this world. Found a cool website: World Atlas.
Afghanistan (Kabul) - met someone from there at IC 2004 in Germany. My former VP SN is from there.
Albania (Tirane) - Merle :)
Australia (Canberra) - Gregor & Sylvie! Was there in 2000. Cool peeps. Awesome landscape. Great Barrier Reef! Sharks! FINDING NEMO lol
Austria (Vienna) - around the corner, but didnt visit yet.
Bahamas (Nassau) - Olli is going there often, cause his dad is livin there. Cool, eh?
Bangladesh (Dhaka) - picked up someone from there last year for IC 2000. Almost went for an AIESEC internship there - still regret a bit.
Belgium (Brussels) - thats where I got the thrombosis :( But they have good chocolate lol
Bhutan (Thimphu) - I remember their temple from EXPO 2000. I wish I could go there one day.
Brazil (Brasilia) - Alex H.
Bulgaria (Sofia) - Irina!
Burma/Myanmar (Yangon) - sounds exotic, if I can I will go and visit one day
Cambodia (Phnom Penh) - Ric's family. He said it would be hard for me to go there, but I would like to see.
Canada (Ottawa) ----awwwwww...Canada!!!! One of my top 2 fav countries. Korea is still no. 1 though ;) Lots of good friends. Awesome landscapes!
China (Beijing) - Jerry, Mavis and Ji! Plan was to go there this year...not sure if that will work out now. Vali's year in Dalian.
Colombia (Bogota) - Expo 2000. Lots of memories. German ;) But mostly JP, Felipe and Olga. Also Andrea (who was studying in MZ for a semester). Colombians are simply cool ppl.
Costa Rica (San Jose) - Jurassic Parc lol
Cote d'Ivoire/Ivory Coast (Yamoussoukro) - Kuadio
Croatia (Zagreb) - MC MATT :)
Czech Republic (Prague) - was there when I was a kid, dont remember much :( Martin - Weber's
Denmark (Copenhagen) - trip to Rondecco 2000, Copenhagen is cool
Dominican Republic (Santo Domingo) - Roman!
East Timor (Dili) - ZERI
Ecuador (Quito) - Ji-nu!
Egypt (Cairo) - Def. want to go, especially after I saw Stina's pics!
Estonia (Tallinn) - Katrin!
Fiji (Suva) - Walter und Daniel!
Finland (Helsinki) - never went, but heard a lot about it: Nina, Weber's
France (Paris) - its been a while, but I remember it as a beautiful city
Gambia (Banjul) - Koko went there before. Said its pretty cool.
Germany (Berlin) - Where I was born and raised. Besides that: Not many emotions. But I guess in some ways I am more German than I want to be :P
Ghana (Accra) - Origin of Jasmin's & Diana's dads
Greece (Athens) - trip with Nicole after graduation, almost the end of our friendship ;)
Hungary (Budapest) - Nora!
Iceland (Reykjavik) - almost ran for MC there
India (New Delhi) - Rabin, Tanveer!
Indonesia (Jakarta) - Emil, Patty!
Ireland (Dublin) - Ed & Phil!
Japan (Tokyo) - Ikuko, Kyoko, Eriko, Noriko, Clare
Kazakstan (Astana) - Natasa
Kenya (Nairobi) - Bryan, Gerald
Korea, South (Seoul) - thats where my heart is!
Lithuania (Vilnius) - Arnas, Reda

Ok, I think thats enough distraction...lol..if anyone is reading this I would be really surprised ;)

World History: Lesson 1

July 14th is Bastille Day in France. It symbolizes the end of the Monarchy and the beginning of what is now called the First French Republic. The Bastille, a prison at the time, was stormed on July 14, 1789. This event came to represent the end of the king's power and the transfer of power to the people.



Today, Bastille Day is a national holiday and a day of celebration, which takes the form of military parades and fireworks.



found on: Americans in France. Yeah, I know probably not the best source to get information about French history ;)

PS: Colin, I hope you are having a great time in France!

Frauen in Iran: Mutige Streiterinnen gegen Missstände

25 Jahre nach der Revolution hat sich für die Frauen in Iran einiges geändert: Die Mehrheit der Studierenden ist weiblich, Frauen leiten Krankenhäuser und arbeiten in klassischen Männerberufen. Vor allem in den ländlichen Gebieten aber herrschen oft noch mittelalterliche Zustände. Mutige Zeitgenossinnen begehren dagegen auf.

Von Karin Leukefeld, zurzeit Teheran

"Der Islam erhöht die Frau und erhebt sie an einen Platz, wo sie ihre menschliche Position in der Gesellschaft wieder einnehmen kann", sagte Ayatollah Khomeini kurz nach der Islamischen Revolution 1980. Das bedeute auch, "dass Frauen Verantwortung in einer islamischen Regierung übernehmen."
Frauen in Chefsesseln, aber ohne politische Verantwortung

Kurz vor dem 25. Jahrestag der Revolution sind in der Tat mehr als 60 Prozent der Studierenden in Iran junge Frauen. Frauen leiten Krankenhäuser und Zeitungen, sie arbeiten als Ingenieurinnen und selbst die Polizei verfügt inzwischen über Fraueneinheiten.

Doch die Übernahme politischer Verantwortung ist für die iranischen Frauen von heute noch immer nicht selbstverständlich. Vor den Parlamentswahlen am Wochenende (gemeint sind die Wahlen vom 20. Februar 2004, Anm. der Red.) waren unter den 287 Abgeordneten nur 13 Frauen. Eine von ihnen, die Abgeordnete Elaheh Koulaie, hat für das neue Parlament eine Art "Frauenoffensive" angekündigt. Nach ihren Vorstellungen sollen künftig 30 Prozent der Parlamentsmandate Frauen vorbehalten sein.
Frauen sind uneins über ihre eigene Lage

Befragt man die Frauen selber, so erhält man sehr unterschiedliche Antworten darüber, wie sie ihre eigene Situation in Iran einschätzen. Viele der jungen Frauen interessieren sich gar nicht für Politik. Sie wünschen sich eine gut bezahlte Arbeitsstelle, um in Zukunft eine eigene Wohnung bezahlen und sich vielleicht auch einmal einen Theaterbesuch leisten zu können.

Wegen der hohen Lebenshaltungskosten können viele junge Leute nicht heiraten. Zohra ist 24 Jahre alt und hat ihr Anglistikstudium abgeschlossen. Seit einem Jahr ist sie verlobt, ihr zukünftiger Ehemann hat vor wenigen Tagen seinen zweijährigen Militärdienst angetreten. Beide leben noch bei den Eltern. 4000 Euro müsse sie bezahlen, wenn sie privat oder bei einer der Banken eine Wohnung mieten wolle, erzählt Zohra. Danach beträgt die monatliche Miete zwischen 70 und 90 Euro für ein 75 Quadratmeter Appartement der mittleren Klasse. Zohra gibt privaten Englischunterricht, jeden verdienten Euro spart sie eisern für die gemeinsame Zukunft.

Ein durchschnittliches Monatsgehalt liegt bei etwa 100 Euro. Eine Verkäuferin in einem der modernen Einkaufszentren im Norden Teherans arbeitet dafür täglich achteinhalb Stunden. Die Frau möchte ihren Namen nicht nennen. Die Kleider, die sie verkauft, kosten oft ein Vielfaches ihres Monatslohns. "Die Preise hier sind einfach zu hoch, man kann nichts sparen, keine Extraausgaben machen", erzählt sie. Die Inflationsrate lag zuletzt bei rund 15 Prozent, die Arbeitslosenquote offiziell bei 14 Prozent. Andere Quellen - UNICEF zum Beispiel - gehen davon aus, dass etwa ein Viertel der iranischen Bevölkerung arbeitslos ist. Die Mehrheit von ihnen sind Frauen.
Diskriminierende Gesetze

Die Frauen leiden zudem häufig unter diskriminierenden Gesetzen. Obwohl in der iranischen Verfassung die Gleichheit von Mann und Frau festgeschrieben ist, gelten in der Islamischen Republik auch die Gesetze der Scharia. Die islamische Rechtsordnung zollt der Frau zwar durchaus Achtung und Respekt, gleichzeitig schreibt sie ihr aber auch eine untergeordnete Rolle zu. Deutliches Beispiel dafür ist der "Blutpreis", der im Falle eines gewaltsamen Todes an Familienangehörige gezahlt werden muss. Für Männer ist dieser Preis doppelt so hoch wie für Frauen.

Ein weiteres Hindernis ist die Kultur des Patriarchats, die in vielen islamischen Ländern von den Männern mit ungebrochener Sturheit praktiziert wird, obwohl kein Satz im Koran sie dazu auffordert. Kein Wunder, wenn Frauen und junge Mädchen unter den traditionellen Schleiern und Kopftüchern "Schutz suchen", wie sie im Gespräch betonen. Dass sie das nicht gerade freudig tun, zeigt sich einerseits daran, wie junge Frauen gerade in Teheran den Schleier immer weiter nach hinten schieben oder nur locker über die Haare legen. In manchen Mädchenschulen wird bereits ganz auf den Schleier im Klassenzimmer verzichtet. Das gehe allerdings nur dort, wo Schulen nicht von außen aus Wohnhäusern, Fabriken oder Büros von Männern eingesehen werden können, erklärt eine Sprecherin der Teheraner Stadtverwaltung.
Lage verschärft sich außerhalb der Städte

Außerhalb Teherans und anderer iranischer Großstädte findet man soviel Freizügigkeit eher selten. Die Frauenbeauftragte der Regionalverwaltung von Khozestan in Südiran legte kürzlich einen Bericht über die Diskriminierung von Frauen in der Region vor. "Alte Stammesriten und männlich-chauvinistisches Verhalten" setze vor allem junge Frauen großem psychologischem Stress aus. Viele Frauen begingen Selbstmord. Mädchen und junge Frauen würden wegen Verletzung der Familienehre getötet, in einigen Fällen seien sogar die Ausweispapiere verbrannt worden. Es gäbe innerfamiliäre Gewalt und Vergewaltigung; Frauen würden in die arabischen Golfstaaten verkauft.

Nicht zuletzt aus eigenem Interesse gehören Frauen zu den mutigsten Streiterinnen in Iran, wenn es darum geht, solche Missstände aufzudecken. Die Parlamentsabgeordnete Elaheh Koulaei kritisierte, dass die iranische Gesellschaft es nicht geschafft habe, "die Vorteile der Islamischen Revolution in allen Teilen des Landes umzusetzen." Traditionelle Verhaltensweisen seien nicht überwunden. Selbst Richter zeigten eine "männlich-chauvinistische Haltung" und hätten kein Verständnis für notwendige Gesetzesänderungen.

Umso mehr erstaunte jetzt, dass der oberste Richter des Landes vor wenigen Tagen die Todesstrafe gegen Afsaneh Noruzi aufhob. Die verheiratete Frau hatte im Jahr 1997 einen Geheimdienstoffizier getötet, als der versuchte, sie zu vergewaltigen. Ein lokales Gericht verurteilte sie daraufhin im Jahr 2001 zum Tode. Der Fall wurde in der westlichen Welt vor allem deshalb bekannt, weil amnesty international sich einschaltete, um die bevorstehende Hinrichtung der Frau zu verhindern. Zahlreiche iranische Menschenrechtsorganisationen und Abgeordnete des Parlaments hatten sich bereits zuvor für die Aufhebung des Urteils gegen Frau Noruzi eingesetzt. Parlamentsabgeordnete zeigten sich erleichtert über die Entscheidung des obersten Richters, dem sie in einem Schreiben dankten. Wäre das Todesurteil vollstreckt worden, hätte das Frauen in Zukunft davon abgehalten, sich gegen Vergewaltigungen zu wehren, so die Abgeordneten - allesamt Frauen. Die Stellung der Frauen in Iran hätte darunter noch mehr gelitten.

Chat with my bro...

Was chatting with my brother tonight until about 3:10 AM. It was really funny, cause one of his closest friends made him watch this SUPER RETARDED movie (seriously Matt, its even WORSE than UHF!)...well, we didnt really pay that much attention cause we were chatting about relationships, sex (I have heard things today I never wanted to know about my lil brother lol) and life.

Well, in the middle of all this (I even dont remember how it came up) I made this remark how Brain reminds me of someone...see for yourself *grin*





I think its the ears :P

Today!

Just a few of the good things that happend today:

-I came to a couple of conclusions.
-Christoph and Matt made me laugh (see Christoph, you arent the only one :)
-Japanese class was fun.
-Met someone who is of Korean origin too.
-Talked to a couple of good friends on the phone (I think without the PC and the phone my days all of a sudden WOULD have 48 hours :)


Bad things that happend today:
Nothing really. I guess life isnt that bad after all.

My point of view today: Life is full of opportunities, its up to you what you make out of them!

Its a lil bit like this one: When Life Gives You Lemons--Make Lemonade out of them. - Which reminds me of Peter & Artur, the Lemonade trailer and a summer in Ohio :)

But this is even better: When life gives you lemons, find somebody you despise and squirt them in the eye! LOL - I know its evil, but its kinda funny, no? Too bad I dont have anyone I despise :( I just dont like being mad at ppl, I dont handle it very well. And most of the time ppl dont really do mean things...or I am just to naive to think bad of them. Someone once said that I am always trying to see the good in everyone...but I DO believe that there is good in most people!

Summary: Being reasonable!

Summary for the rest of 2005:
1. Let go of feelings. Just enjoy the moment.
2. Give up a dream to take responsibility for my life. Disappoint a lot of people. But oh well. I need to think longterm. If I dont have a job I cant ever go to Korea again, right? So there is my decision...

PS: Thierry said something cool yesterday: Sometimes life is helping us out. So if Cadbury is not going to make me this offer, then I am free to live my dream. Then it's faith. Lets see what faith decides. Even though I made my own decisions already...

PPS: Dave also said something wise: Relationships are like glass. Sometimes its better to leave them broken, instead of hurting yourself trying to put them back together.

After some thinking!

Wow, I am SURPRISED. I am surprised at how rational I am deep inside. And surprised about some things I realized. And even more surprised about the suggestion I made to my ex on the phone today.

1. I do like my ex-bf. But I agree on his perspective. I have been thinking about it for a long time. Maybe under different conditions it would have worked out.
2. I realized that one of the parts I will be missing the most is the physical contact.
3. Maybe we can work out a "Friendship PLUS" level...omg, I cant believe I am saying this lol...But right now it seems a rather exiting idea :)
4. I hope he knows that I do care about him, and that I dont simply want to "use" him or anything. For now this just seems like the best possible alternative for both of us.

The perfect guy!

my friend is so sweet. She promised me long time ago to bake the "perfect guy" for me at my birthday. And here he is:



Isnt he cute? And YUMMY too!

Life keeps happening.

The good thing is, no matter how sad you are: Life keeps happening. No way to stop it. It just does. So you have to keep on catching up with every day issuses.

Had another interview today. My potential future boss seems nice and that we could get along. Weird thing is, when I am nervous I cant think of any questions. So I didnt even ask for the salary. I dont know...Korea or UK? What do I really really want? But then: What would be the best for me and my career in the longrun?

About bf: I miss him. Just the feeling that I cant really talk to him or call him. Its weird. Probably he is doing really good and happy and focused. I wish he wasnt. I wish he would realize that he is missing me. But I doubt that is going to happen. Maybe he is like that...doesnt see me, doesnt think of me, doesnt miss me. On the other side, I had this umm..."enlighting moment" today...where I really understood what he has said. Yet I still miss him. I know I am not the only person right now going through this. Actually some of my friends are going through worse...so I shouldnt even complain....but it hurts. And no one - besides one person - could take away that feeling. I remember how I said a few months ago, that I want to go through the experience my ex bfs have been through. Now I am glad I never had to. Especially considering that I was close to breaking up and only knowing him for 5 weeks. How would I feel after 5 months...yikes...dont even want to think about that ;) But then I am not myself, and emotionally very vulnerable at this point. So its not too surprising.

You know what sux?

When you feel like crying, but you cant! Its really bad. Never had that before. And I dont know why that is. Maybe these last months were just too much. Can one become emotinal indifferent?

I dont know. Feel a bit like it. I just feel numb. I guess finally I have a lil bit of the feeling my ex-bfs had when I broke up with them...maybe its good to get a taste of it first, and not the whole thing. Its weird. I was so close to doing it myself (breaking up), but now that it happend I am just blue. The weirdest thing is: I like him. He likes me. But he is very reasonable, and he doesnt have time over the next 3 weeks (until I am leaving for Korea). So he says its better to break up now. Logically totally correct. Too bad I am NOT a logical person. My bro keeps buggin me...dont be so emotional blah blah...what can I do..its me, dude :P

I still love the saying:
Wherever you go, go with all your heart - Confuzius (not that he is my fav person, but this quote just matches me!)

Never knew if he is reading this blog. And maybe its better he does not or didnt. But I miss him already. Knowing that we wont be in touch. Knowing that we are back to the "friendship level". I wish he would take the risk and see where its leading us...

Cause sometimes you have to take a risk to win something. Sometimes life is happening while you are making plans. Sometimes you cant forsee every detail. Sometimes one should just let things happen...

Maybe this "sometimes" is now...maybe not...I wish for once he wasnt so reasonable (even though that is what I admire him for).

Quote of the day

"It's so simple to be wise, just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite."
- got it from bro, originally from: Sam(uel) Levenson (1911-80) - whoever that is...let me google him! will be back

Couldnt find him (ok, didnt look very hard), in case you do: let me know :) Thanx!

'You've got to find what you love,'

*stolen from Matt's blog ;)

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Religion

Due to the latest events in London again religion in a sense became an issue. I have a couple of friends who are muslims. And I know that some of them are reflecting about their beliefs. I dont know if its cause of the external pressure, the negative propaganda or if it is because at a certain step we all reflect about our belief system. Or at least we should. The past has shown that blind belief, might it be in a religion or a social belief system, usually didnt lead to something good (inquisition, Hitler,....).


Here are some thoughts (partly from an email to a friend, partly things that are in my head right now):

For me its so interesting to see how you and some of my other friends deal with religion. I mean that you grew up with it, believe in it and now go through the process of reflection and questioning things.

In Germany it seems religion doesnt mean a lot to people. Well, at least not our generation. I know there are exeptions, but I am talking about in general.

I am baptised and what not, but I stopped believing in god the day my grandparents had a really bad accident (cause my grandma was an angel and I didnt understand how she could get hurt). Also in the accident the other woman lost her baby. Why do things like these happen? Why do things like 9/11 happen? Whats god's purpose behind it? I wonder. Yet I have come to the point where I def. dont believe in catholic church, but I believe that there is something good and something bad in this world. And that we should try to be good and live a life where we treat others fair and worry about our "brothers and sisters" (I think you know what I mean).

Sometimes I envy people who have a strong religious belief (strong, NOT blind). Because at least they have something to believe in. Something that might give them hold when they are really down.

Well, I could discuss this topic for a long time....but I need to sleep at some point :)

PS: Here is an interesting article about violence and the misinterpretation of the surahs. It is from an Islamic website.

Feeling stupid...

I just talked to a friend. His brother got really hurt on a backpacking trip to Europe. Seems like someone robbed him. It seems pretty serious.

Then the G8 is going on. Discussing the future of thousands of people. Also climate issues. I dont want to worry about my really small problems anymore. They seem so tiny compared with all these things.

Thanx for putting things into the right perspective :)

Relationships...

They are so weird....people can be so happy and then down the next minute. We rely so much on the other person and are (usually) willing to open up and let other people in our heart, giving them the power to really hurt us.

Lately I have seen a lot of ups and downs. A lot of good-byes. A lot of tears. People willing to make sacrifices the other person doesnt really appreciate. Its sad. Yet its life. Probably it was always like that and always will be. Its just that it happens for different reasons. Its really hard for me to understand how relationships can be influenced by your parents. I mean I DO understand, and can accept it, yet for me it seems so "different". I know its a cultural thing. But when friends tell me their parents can pick their wives and 20% of a relationship is companionship and the remaining 80% are just for procreation, then I wonder.... Maybe I have seen too many Hollywood movies. And slowly I start to wonder if that is maybe the better concept. At the beginning you are intersted in each other. And in my culture it seems when there are the slightest problems ppl just give up and are not even willing to try to really get to know the other person. Including myself I guess. Kind of.

We meet, we try to figure out if we make a good match, and then when you realize its not "mr. perfect" you just go and look for someone else...well, ppl who know me, know I am not like that. I have had two relationships so far. Both long-term (4 years, 9 months). The current one has lasted for 3 weeks...might last 4, but only, cause I wont see him until sunday ;) Sometimes I wonder if he is reading this. I highly doubt it, but one never knows...oops, I realized my blog the first thing that pops up when you put my name in google!!! Crazy, eh? ;)

Hello you ppl who googled me!!! Wonder who you are :) - actually I highly doubt that there are any...

Anyways the point is: No matter how much I got hurt in a relationship, I am still grateful for it, cause I learned from it. I learned what I can handle and what I cant. And that its good to sometimes have someone who's hugs seem a lil bit more precious than other peoples hugs. That its nice to wake up in someone's arms. That its nice to look at someone (while the person can be doing something really silly) and realizing that there is this warm feeling inside, that makes you realize you care about the person. I guess I am just worried that this time I am not the one breaking up. And maybe thats why I am so critical. Somehow I am telling myself its not going to last anyways...so better end it now. Even though it doesnt seem he is really unhappy or anything...and I should know that he cant give me any answers about our future. Neiher can I. So what do I really expect?

nm, back to the thesis...never thought I would say it, but compared to my current feelings it seems to be a piece of cake ;)

GETTING REAL ON POVERTY

What Bush Must Do To Help Africa

By Suzanne Nossel

A former United States diplomat to the United Nations lays out the 10 most important things George W. Bush can do to make a difference for Africa's poor.

On the eve of the G8 summit in Gleneagles, Scotland, President Bush deserves some credit for his proposals to address the lot of Africa's roughly 850 million people. Bush's promises to double U.S. aid to Africa, to cancel the debts of Africa's 18 most heavily indebted nations, and to up funds for AIDS and malaria all tackle issues that matter in ways that will have an impact. But all told, these measures fall well short of amounting to a comprehensive strategy for Africa.

The administration promotes the impression that Bush is leading a drive to eradicate poverty and stem the African continent's many other woes. For now, these claims are overstated. Under heavy pressure from British Prime Minister Tony Blair and at a moment when the U.S. badly needs to improve its global image, Bush has chosen proposals that sidestep some of the biggest questions about Africa's future. Bush's critics have focused mostly on his failure to do enough for Africa. They complain that the U.S.' allotment for overseas development assistance falls far below the .7 percent of GDP target that the most generous European nations are hitting. Reaching .7 percent would require a fivefold increase in U.S. spending on development aid, something the administration has flat-out rejected.

But in addition to asking for more funds and pressing the administration to make good on its newest pledges -- the purported doubling of aid monies actually falls far short of that -- Africa's advocates should demand that important gaps be filled if Bush is to style himself as Africa's protector and benefactor. They should press the administration to go beyond discrete pledges and programs and adopt a more comprehensive approach to addressing the continent's many needs. Regardless of which motive is paramount, moral outrage over the suffering and underdevelopment on the continent or fear that Africa's plagues -- disease, terrorism, failed states and environmental degradation to name a few -- may ultimately hit our own shores, a more systematic approach to an Africa policy is the right one.

Here are 10 things President Bush could do to show he's really serious about Africa.

1. Make good on existing promises. Perhaps the biggest weakness in Bush's newest announcements on Africa is his track record of leaving similarly ambitious proposals underfunded and underfulfilled. Doubts about whether Bush will deliver have not surprisingly undercut positive reactions to these latest ideas. It has taken more than three years for Bush's Millennium Challenge Account (MCA) to begin disbursing funds. As of this spring just one country, Madagascar, had seen a cent and just 2 percent of the appropriated funds had been spent. Amounts pledged to fight AIDS in Africa have also been vulnerable to repeated lowballing in the administration's budget requests. To rebuild trust, Bush should make clear that these new promises will be accompanied by a push to satisfy the old ones.

2. Launch a major push on vaccine availability. One of the less noticed but potentially pathbreaking outcomes of pre-G8 summit finance minister meetings was an agreement to expedite efforts to pre-purchase massive quantities of newly developed vaccines for distribution in African countries. The administration historically has been loath to intervene in the pharmaceutical industry's practices for making treatments and vaccines cheaply available in poor countries. U.S. leadership will be critical to this plan, and Bush should provide it. (Check out this blog for more details on how the plan will motivate faster vaccine development.)

3. Stop lumping all of Africa together. A key first step toward understanding and addressing the African continent is to recognize racial, socioeconomic, environmental, cultural, military, religious and political diversity within it. Some nations -- South Africa and Nigeria, for example, are key U.S. military and economic allies; others, like Congo and Sierra Leone, are in disarray and virtually without hope. By refusing to lump all of Africa together either rhetorically or through policies, Bush can pave the way for approaches that better reflect a polyglot region.

4. Address each stage of development. Whereas the MCA is targeted at Africa's most capable governments, and the latest debt initiative aims to help the very weakest, most of Africa's nations fall somewhere in between and aren't getting much out of the new Bush programs. A comprehensive strategy to address poverty in Africa needs to address countries at every stage of development. Missing pieces include debt relief for more nations (Nigeria has already been singled out to get a break), aid to African entrepreneurs and small businesses, and infrastructure/job creation programs.

5. Create a governance aid program. The Bush administration has rightly pointed out that hundreds of millions of dollars in development aid for African countries have historically been plundered and wasted by corrupt and/or inept governments. This is why the MCA gives only to countries that meet strict governance criteria. Rather than simply citing the problem and rewarding those who have overcome it, the U.S. should lead a major push to strengthen governance structures in countries that have the will to improve. Working with multilateral and private organizations, we should be training African lawyers, judges, accountants and auditors and sending in pro bono professionals of our own (as we've done in Eastern Europe, Afghanistan and Iraq) to address the stranglehold of corruption on Africa's progress.

6. Channel more aid through NGOs. Where corruption and misuse of funds are a concern, rather than closing its purse the administration should channel substantial additional aid not through governments, but via private groups that have good track records of delivery. Particularly for the provision of basic food, medical and other services, non-governmental groups are often well-placed to get the job done. Where possible, local African groups should be empowered as conduits. Governments' incompetence and untrustworthiness should not be an excuse for ignoring the needs of people suffering under these hapless regimes.

7. Take action on Darfur. After the Rwandan mass killings in 1994, lofty pledges were made about how the West would never again fail Africa so completely. But more than a year after calling the situation in Darfur genocide, the Bush administration has done little to stop it. As for what can be done short of military intervention, there's plenty outlined here.

8. Help Zimbabwean opposition groups. The attitude of top leaders like South African President Thabo Mbeki to Zimbabwe's unfolding crisis illustrates just how contorted relationships with the West have become. Many African heads of state reject Western outrage over Mugabe's abuses on grounds that so many other, even more grave, catastrophes on the continent have been ignored -- and in some cases abetted -- by the West. But Mugabe's opponents include local human rights activists closely aligned with those that fought apartheid and brought Mbeki's African National Congress to power. It's hard to see how African leaders could reject support for these sorts of organizations.

9. Explore AFTA. Bush has fought for CAFTA, now how about AFTA -- an African free trade agreement that would do away with the nearly $4 billion a year cotton subsidies that have hobbled yeoman farmers in places like Burkina Faso. There is no powerful political or business constituency for an African trade accord, but it would be consistent with Bush's stance on trade and would benefit Africa to the tune of, according to Oxfam, some $150 billion per year. Crucially, those benefits would come not from handouts, but through the growth of entrepreneurship and private enterprise. Bush says he's waiting for the Europeans to follow suit before initiating such an accord. Rather than resting on that excuse, Bush should press ahead.

10. Develop aid partnerships. One of the concerns American aid officials like USAID chief Andrew Natsios cite in relation to aid for Africa is worry over perceived imperialism. After all, the history of Western involvement on the continent is not pretty. Rather than funneling aid directly, what about partnering with, say, the South African foreign ministry to pilot a program where aid would be administered by African countries with competent ministries and strong records of anti-corruption, but without a heavy Western hand?

Suzanne Nossel is a former senior adviser at the United States Mission to the United Nations and is currently a senior fellow at the Security and Peace Initiative, a joint project of the Center for American Progress and The Century Foundation. She is the founder of the Democracy Arsenal blog.

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