not PG 13 ;)

Masturbation and what it will do to you!!! ;)

Life, Love, Everyday Worries...

LIFE: sux - we all do know that, but you know what: Actually its not that bad at all :) I am happy. Of course that means pushing some things to the very back of your brain and its kinda unhealthy but it works for a while. And you know what: My life isnt bad at all. There are a lot of people who DO have serious problems. I mean sometimes my problems DO seem serious to me, but in the end when you just look at everyday news, then they are tiny and it makes me feel stupid that I even worry about them. OMG, this sounds like blah blah...but isnt it true?

There is this saying, which I usually wouldnt quote, cause its sooo "used", but its 3:30 AM, so I will just excuse using it by the fact that I AM pretty tired:

IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE OUT OF THEM.... (version 1)
IF LIVE GIVES YOU LEMONS, SQUIRT THEM IN THE ENEMY's EYE (version 2)

*grin* actually I like the second one *evil laughter* - (remember Austin Powers, guys?!) hehe....

LOVE & SEX: Had a long talk with my lil bro. Probably we both now know things we didnt want to know about ever (I will never get that photo out of my head!!! lol - Flo, sorry, you cant come back ever and visit us :P) - still not sure if I should sent out emails like that ("Wanna go swimming?"). Oh, and again we realized we are sooo opposite to each other! He is the girl :P lol And I am bitter. Yo, PT, I think its a virus I got from you - and I am grateful for it ;) He wants a serious relationship and settle down. I just want the fun (for now). I cant imagine being with someone, getting engaged, getting married, having children....as Jerry would say "not my cup of tea" ;)

EVERYDAY WORRIES: Still didnt hear about the job. They said..."by the end of the month". Today is the 31st. I really, really hope it will be YES. I am sick and tired of hanging out and waiting...I want to get stuff done. Wonder when it was that I turned into a workaholic ?! Probably sometime around High School, when I thought its necessary for me as a senior to organize a workshop for our project week, be in charge of the Yearbook, the ABI merchandising, get involved in the ABI Party PLUS write a musical and be assistant director. No wonder the result for my ABITUR (high school diploma) wasnt the best :P But it was so worth it. I love challenges. I love work. I love doing tons of stuff and being productive. And being at home doesnt help.

OTHER STUFF: Still didnt get started on the language track. Probably cause I got sick the last couple of days, my head feels like explosing, my nose is running and no, even though I used to be a chicken I doubt its the avian flue. Went to visit my ex-boss today. She is thinking about getting me involved with another project of hers. And I guess as long as I dont have another job, it would be just fine. I am "kinda" broke. PLUS it sounds really intersting what she is up to! But I made a decision. Its FMCG for me. For now ;) Maybe one day I will be back on the "changing the world track". I still want to. Maybe sometimes I am a "chicken" after all. *sigh* DAMN!!!

WISE QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Go and tell all the people you care about that you DO care,
cause you never know for how much longer they will be around!"

PS: Will I ever stop saying "FOR NOW"?! When will be the day that I know..this is what I want...."FOR GOOD"?

My last @ conference as trainer?

I spent the last weekend at Herz-MAS in Limburg. Tinika and I were running an XPS. Eva said: Once a faci, always a faci. Guess she is right. "Du bist der workshop" lol

Limburg. Its my favorite AIESEC conference site, cause its the one I probably spent most my conferences at. Its the one where I kissed my first bf. The one where I just saw my last bf a few days ago and realized its good that we parted back in summer. Its the site where I missed my chance to run for the German MC...My final decision was made on Thursday night. Now part of me regrets and there is another part that knows it was the right decision. I wasnt prepared. If the election would be this weekend...maybe I would reconsider. But its too late now.

I have to move on. And its about time I guess. Artur said it was the right decision. I will find out soon enough when I hear about my new job...I want it. And if I get it I wont regret the MC thing so much. But I feel bad about it the same time. Its related to cigarettes. Ouch. Where is the sustainablility? Where are my ideals? Where is my vision?

Right now I dont feel like I have one anymore. I feel empty and tired. Yet I am not unhappy. Its just that I feel like I need a break from thinking about things and I want to focus on just one thing. No AIESEC, no boys, no family problems....

Where am I heading? Maybe its time for some self-reflection...on the other side I dont feel like doing it. I just feel like shutting out all the worries and focusing on the good things. I have so many plans for this year...no idea how I am going to realize them....

- studying Korean, Japanese, French and Spanish again
- traveling to Singpore, Canada and Columbia
- take photo classes
- visit Rabin and Mi-Hwa in D-Dorf more often
- write more letters, stay in touch with friends, visit my friends more often
- live, love, learn, to be wiser by the end of the year, to support my friends, to find out where I want to go and what I want to do...

Love to you all out there...

Update

Woahhhh, time is flying. Sorry guys, havent blogged in what seems forever. I have been pre-occupied with a lot of meeting old friends, preparing trainings, hosting friends and writing applications.

Matt left Germany this sunday. He should be safe and sound back in Croatia. After I dragged him to facilitate at an eXchange pret workshop (something he had never done before, but I hope he enjoyed it :)

It was a interesting. It wasnt at an AIESEC conference. Simply two local workshops, but it was really fun. Of course they didnt get to live the whole AIESEC culture, but the same time they got more sleep and therefore probably got more out of the workshop. (Also A. and me appreciated more sleep :) btw. A. was my co-trainer and a really really old AIESEC friend of mine, I remember that I was his faci when he was a newie and now we are giving trainings together..its pretty cool).

And then today I had another interview. I think it went pretty well, and I loved the team. They were super nice and cool, but lets see what happens. *sigh* It would be great to have a job. Plus there a 2 intl. team members in the team and a girl I know from an internship way back in 2002.

So whats my plans:
- TUE: Writing applications.
- WED: Getting things at uni done, saying my thank yous to my prof, his team, and some other people. Meeting Astrid for coffee. Attending the LCM so I can vote next week, when we have elections.
- THU: Maybe go to Mannheim to prepare my training next weekend (another XPS coming up ;) or meet C. who I havent seen in FOREVER!!!
- FRI: Hmm, maybe having dinner with J. and S. (Mannheim), attending Christoph's party (Darmstadt) or having a pre-meeting with my co-trainer. Damn, I am still thinking about cloning myself....OR...starting to REALLY use my timer! I cant believe I am doing all these double-bookings. DUH! Also: Deadline for the DHL traineeships!
- SAT&SUN: XPS in Mannheim
- MON-THU: writing applications.
- THU-SUN: another AIESEC weekend: Herz-MAS coming up, me facilitating again...guess..what lol...yup XPS :)

I really hope I get the chance to train Projectmanagement one day! Cant wait!

Love to you all,
jen :)