Bittersweet moments

Of course I am not back on track. I mean in a way I am. But I think about him A LOT. We just click the right way. We were on the phone yesterday and even though we shouldnt have them, the emotions were still there...its so hard not to say "I miss you". Its so hard to stop being lovers and starting to be friends, when there are all these feelings.

I wonder if we can manage. Its such a waste of emotions. The sad part is that we cant even TRY if things would work out. Its like we dont have a chance. Or better to say: He cant give our love a chance. And the worst is: I probably dont want him too, not unless I know where I am heading next. If I stay in Germany: YES. But if I move somewhere else....then its faith I guess.

I have said it soo many times, but never believed it until now....if we are meant to be: We will be together one day. And if he realizes he DOES love her, then I cant change that.

Life's a bitch?!

Well, you know what: Love is too.

The last weeks were pretty crazy. Met someone. Fell in love. Learned he had a gf.

And even though I always said I would stay away from someone who is in a relationship I couldnt help it. And even though he has feelings for me, he is staying with her.

Great! Its so weird to know that there are mutual feelings, but that there is no future. Stupid. And even though I kinda understand his position (a lot of reasons), I feel frustrated, angry and sad. (To be exact, the current status is PISSED OFF.)

One minute I wish I had never met him, the next minute I know I am grateful. Because now I know how it COULD be. He helped me define and level my expectations towards a relationship. I am thankful for that. He said that probably he should have never told me about his feelings for me. And I wonder about that. But in the end I know I am glad he did tell me. Even though it was more like a dream not reality, the time with him was special...

So now I am back on track. Focusing on the "important things in life". I believe that now I will try to stick with my resolutions regarding guys. They just mess up my life. But then its again John Lennon's saying that comes to my mind, and which I believe is now MY ultimate truth:

"Life happens while you are making plans."

My current life

Woweeeee, I am way beyond schedule..."life is happening, while you are making plans". I didnt want to fall for anyone. But sometimes you cant controll that. Wish I could. The whole story is to complicated. Plus its pretty time-consuming. I need a day with 48 hours at least ;)

There is soooo much stuff going on this week:
- SAT: Welcome party for our new Trainee & birthday party of our VP Trainee Reception.
- TUE: LCM in our neighbour LC (feedback, election of their new VP FIN, who was a newie in my workshop :)
- SAT & TUE: preparation of our Canada presentation, it was soo much fun working with N., our Canadian trainee.
- WED: Canada presentation

plus:
- applications
- work
- preparing to visit my grandpa, has been 7 weeks
- money stuff
- AIESEC stuff

Valentines Day

Hey everyone,

I hope you are having a great Valentines Day!

All my love to you out there :)




Cheers,
KIMCHI

Random thoughts at 3:44 AM

*sigh* had another discussion about Islam. Its so frustrating and sad. It seems that people are so narrow minded. There even was an AIESEC alumni who said AIESEC wont be able to change anything....sad...

Funny, talked to someone I know from last year and he told me gossip about my ex and me. Wasnt bad or anything, but the AIESEC network never fails ;)

Our trainee was drunk tonight. So funny. I know Matt, SHE is a good trainee, I wasnt ;) - btw, she is Canadian ;)

Something happend this week, and I dont know if its bad or good. On the one side I am really happy on the other side I have lots of doubts..its nothing I want to talk about to many people, but it keeps me busy almost all day...I hate how so often you cant influence things in life. But then: IF we could, life would be so boring...

Bad and good things

VERY GOOD:
- A friend I met in Canada last year wrote me an email today. Made me cry. Thanx, Jess :)
- Natasa and me worked on the concept for our Canada presentation

GOOD:
- started to learn French again
- had a funny dancing session in our living room with my brother
- increasing my knowledge every day
- there are still a lot of companies I didnt apply for
- new internships open with DHL Singapore

BAD:
- still world peace seems so far away
- feeling like I should do something more productive and help achieve it
- didnt apply for the Canadian MC, because I got influenced by someone who disappointed me
- still didnt hear about the job I want
- still didnt start working on my Korean/Japanese skills (especially bad, cause I have to hand in my Japanese test this or next week!)
- the situation between my parents is still the same

The world of learning

Currently I have this crazy eagerness to learn.

1. Following the thread about the caricatures of Mohammed in the GLOBAL LEARNING NETWORK community (General questions). Its really interesting. Crazy: Over 80 posts!
And started my own thread to learn more about Islam.

2. Learned about Che Guevara and the Cuban-US-Relationship.

3. Trying to learn more about Intercultural Competence.

4. Still learning so much about myself every day. I dont know why, but I am so aggressive in the last few months. Its odd. I dont know why and I dont know how to control it. No, dont worry, I am not going to shoot anyone!

Anti-Muslim caricatures

"Professional Cartoonists Wouldn't Do This"
http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,398792,00.html

http://forum-international.spiegel.de/showthread.php?t=174

31. Januar 2006

Mohammed-Karikaturen sorgen weiter für Wirbel
http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,398349,00.html

03. Februar 2006
Jordanischer Chefredakteur wagt Abdruck der Karikaturen - und fliegt
http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,398885,00.html


03. Februar 2006
"Entschuldigt Euch nicht!"
http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,398876,00.html

04. Februar 2006
Maulhelden der Meinungsfreiheit
http://www.spiegel.de/politik/debatte/0,1518,399146,00.html

Gewalttäter werden zur Karikatur ihrer selbst

http://www.tagesschau.de/aktuell/meldungen/0,1185,OID5203888_REF1_NAV_BAB,00.html


Weitere Diskussionsplattform zu dem Thema:
http://forum.spiegel.de/showthread.php?t=315

Cartoonist: We don't apologize for opinions
http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1138920612644&call_pageid=968332188774&col=968350116467

Heaven & Earth

Watched an Oliver Stone movie with Tommy Lee Jones about the Vietnam war. It was sad and shocking, like most of these movies. What I liked about the movie that it didnt stop there in Vietnam, it showed how one of the girls moved with her husband to the US and what happend years after the war. She was incredible, in the way she dealt with things and her mental power.

Her name is Le Ly Hayslip. Go here to read more about her and her REAL life!

Blog Description AUG. 2005 & FEB. 2006

This blog is for the time I will spend in Germany in between my "adventures". So far 2005 was a year of emotional ups and downs. Most not caused by me, but somehow affecting me...lets see what the 2nd half will bring :)

As I said the first half of 2005 was an up and down of emotions. Same can be said for the second half. Even though it was A LOT better. Korea was awesome, even though it wasnt easy. I learned a lot about life I guess and it turned me a little bit bitter, when it comes down to relationships. I spent some intense time with two very good friends, which I am very happy about.

Since I returned to Germany I just wanted to be by myself. I think I have had too many people around me for a long time (Canada as well as Korea was very intense). I love people, I love my friends, but its time for me to be ALONE. Its like I am trying to shut out the world for a while and its absolutly necessary. So please dont be mad or dissapointed if I dont write a lot. I just NEED some ME-TIME. Even though I am always happy when you email me :)

2006 is already a month old. Time flies. Looking back at 2005 it was a pretty intense year. Lots of private things going very wrong. And effecting me in a very bad way. To a degree where I really wasnt happy about myself. Currently I have the feeling I am almost back on track, even though I also believe its wrong of me to always look for extra work. I should def. take some time to reflect and sort out my feelings, values, goals....

2006 will be an interesting year. I decided not to run for MC, neither in Germany nor Canada. And a part of me regrets. Another part says its time to grow up and let go. Move on. The future is ours. Another part of me is scared of heading in the wrong direction. Marketing for FMCG..DUH! What happend to my idealism and "lets change the world"? Is it really right to say that you cant afford to do so at the moment? Or am I more defined by my mother's superficial world and the general Korean concept "you are what you have, and you are only someone if you have a lot?" than I thought I was. Hmm, the future will tell....but I think with a major in business I am not really well qualified for a job at GREENPEACE or AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL, unless I would decide to go for the PR jobs, and I think I realized that's nothing I want to do.

Ok, now its time for the new blog description....

Birthdays and friends

Spent most of the day with birthday events.

1. Incoming VP Trainee Reception: Brunch at a cafe. 2,90€ for all you can eat, is damn cheap I think! And it was a lotta fun. She got a very interesting present, which actually was really fascinating, cause we started argueing over the "eyes" lol...



Go here to find out more.

Yes, its ok, I know I am weird...but no kidding, we were about 10 people all over the age of 22, playing with it :)

2. Then I went to town with a friend to buy birthday presents and THANK YOU presents for people at university (I think after all these years and all the patience they have shown to me its only a matter of "being a nice person" to spend a couple of Euros to say THANK YOU)...so me, the non-drinker, bought wine for my prof ;) Anyways... was fun. Then bought a lil shirt of the MAINZELMÄNNCHEN (mascot of the TV broadcasting station of the city where I studied), for my tandem partners baby boy, who is two years now!! Wow, time is flying. But she wasnt home when I wanted to drop it off :( I feel bad, was supposed to email her while I was in Korea, but lost the email address :(

3. Met a friend at university. Was told a lot of interesting stories about China....person got excecuted, cause he stole a cell phone and a purse of a foreigner....about gay people....about a chinese bordell and the behaviour of Westerners in East Asia...*sigh*...thats a topic of its own, which I would like to write an article about one day...

4. Went to another friend's birthday party in a pub. Was nice. Saw some people I hadn't seen in a while. Also Frank stopped by. Then went to Jan's house...Shisha....didnt try, weird smell, MELON! Afterwards Frank and me sat in my car until urgh....4:45 AM?! Talked about live, love and how to handle it....best friends are a cool invention ;)

5. Now its 6 AM. Wow, crazy....I am so tired, yet I am all hyper. Wonder if thats due to the espresso Jan made us?! Need sleep----zzzzZZZZZ....

A weblog on Iran, technology and pop culture

Go here to check out Hossein Derakhshan's weblog.

And here is a picture of Tehran from his photoblog.